- Duration: 19th Nov â€“ 25th Nov (Week 12), 26th â€“ 3rd Dec (Week 13) and 4th Dec â€“ 9th Dec 2509 (Week 14)
- Competition(s): Open Scramble 2509/2510
- Season: 2509/10 Season
21 days! Bloody hell it has been a while. Since the press room cannot organise a simple summary, the HDWSBBL management have asked me, the wonderful Gerhard, to try and summarise the last 3 weeks of the season covering all 8 games that have taken place. Well I’ll be buggered if I am going to have to work hard over my Christmas break so this may not be the traditional summary you are used to!
I think the best (read quickest) way of tackling this is to take a look at the Divisions as they stand.
The last time people looked at the standings of North Division, the Deadheads and the Corsairs where fighting neck and neck to determine the Champion for the Division (the last champion to be determined I should point out). As it currently stands the Corsairs and Deadheads are neck and neck at the top. Both have only one game remaining and that is against the Wee Tree Fellows. Frankly, both teams are going to come out with a win in these games so it is going to go down to Touchdown difference, resulting in the Corsairs taking the number one spot (as I predicted) unless the Deadheads manage to break the laws of physics and score over 9 Touchdowns in their upcoming victory (or of course, the Corsairs could lose….nah, I don’t think that is going to happen).
Speaking of the resident “Pro” Elves of the League, WTF have discovered that they are actually good at something (aside from losing). Over the last few games, their Thrower Hamish has been throwing the ball around like any lucky Elf and has managed to break the Rangers (recently) set record for “Most Completions in a game by a single player” (The league loves long titles for its awards doesn’t it!). Now, personally I am glad that the record was taken from the Rangers but I was hoping that a non-Elf team would take it. Never the less WTF are currently the best passing team of the season having set the record while suffering one of the biggest losses in their history (and they say Nuffle has no sense of Humour!). Yes that’s right, the Slammers managed to defeat WTF 6-3 in an admittedly impressive game. I was hoping that someone would have killed the furry turds by now but I don’t always get what I want (ps Slammers, still waiting for that assassin).
The Shadows also saw action against the Corsairs. It appears as though the Shadows first league win went straight to their head as the Corsairs managed to run home 3 Touchdowns without breaking a sweat! Nevermind JoJo. You still have the shield to look forward to, most of the Elf Teams won’t be in it (as unlike you, they won their matches!).
South Division has known its “champions” for some time. The Rangers *Spit* just won’t shut up about how they have gone through the entire season to date without suffering a single loss. I watched their game against the Flesh Grinders last week (I was hoping to see some dead Elves) and it looks like they have been partying too hard as they only managed to score three Touchdowns. This of course comes off the back of the Rangers near miss against the Cleavers who came within moments of defeating the Rangers (what a great moment that would have been).
The Grinders where hoping to stay in second place and qualify for the Championship IV but with their loss to the Rangers, and their loss to the Predators the week before, the chance slipped away from them and they have the Slammer shield to look forward too. I am a bit gutted about his because I had a small bet on them. Never mind, maybe they can track down the Slammers and finish them once and for all.
The team that ended up finishing in second place was the Midgit Dinos themselves. After pulling themselves together and exercising their puny bodies, they managed to get a little winning streak going. This was topped this week when they defeated the Orcland Cleavers in a tense match. Anybody watching the game thought the Cleavers had it in the bag but somehow Barny and company managed to steal the ball from them and score twice. Having faced two Orc teams in their Division, the Predators are hoping that they have finished with the Greenskins for now. Unfortunately for them their tiny Dino brains must have forgotten that they are lined up to play the Beaumont Blitzers in the next round of the Pepslay. I will be watching that one closely.
As for the Cleavers, this loss means the Cleavers are fighting to avoid 5th place and now have to fight to qualify for the Shield. They will go up against the Bile Blitzers to determine who was the worst team of Division.
East Division has been very quiet recently. With Atrocity Exhibition dominating from early on, the fight appears to have left the other teams. The only match played recently was the Beaumont Blitzers taking on the Jackels. The Jackels have been improving slowley over the past few weeks and held the Blitzers up a number of times. Ultimately though the “mean green fighting machine” scored a Touchdown to take the win.
This places the Blitzers on equal points with the Reavers, however the Reavers still have one more game to play. For them to slip into third place, they would have to lose 10 – nil to Atrocity which I don’t think will happen to these former championship contenders.
Last but not least we have West Division. A lot of noise was made a few weeks back about the game between the Vixen’s and RSV. With the outcome of the match determining the final standings of the Division, the match quickly sold out. As thousands of fans crammed into the stadium (including this ex head coach) to see RSV perform an amazing comeback, the inevitable happened and Velocity chocked! Yep, they had everything going for them, they have two of the best catchers in the league, they were celebrating 30 games in the HDWSBBL and they managed to decapitate a Vixen in the opening seconds but yet they still couldn’t beat a bunch of girls. It would not have happened if I was still the Head Coach. As much as I admire Velocities lead thrower Hetfielder, I would have skinned him alive for failing to pick up the ball that many times. I don’t know how many times I have to repeat this to them but no matter how pert the vixen’s ass checks are, keep your eyes on the ball and not on the vixen’s.
Of course, as I sadly predicted, the Vixen’s are now West Division champions and will face Atrocity in the traditional North vs South, East vs West league semi-finals in a few weeks. There are still two games to be played in the division, both against the Ruskin Arms Bar Flys. Rumour has it that the Bar Flys have retired from the league. I am still attempting to get confirmation of this but if it turns out to be true it will be a shame (Gerhard actually likes a team, what a shock).
I think that covers all the action over the last few weeks. I now need to go and track down the reporters who are actually paid to write the summary and extract some cash from them for doing their job. This week, the second round of the Pepslay Challenge is due to take place. Most of the teams will be in action.
Oh, and if you think you have gotten rid of me for now then you are about to be disappointed as I have just been informed that I have to write something up about the Pepslay Second round. You just cannot get the staff these days!
Quick Summary of Weeks 12, 13 and 14
- 2 games in North Division – Open Scramble 2509/2510
- 4 games in South Division – Open Scramble 2509/2510
- 1 game in East Division – Open Scramble 2509/2510
- 1 game in West Division – Open Scramble 2509/2510
- 34 Touchdowns scored
- 18 Casualties caused (3 resulted in Death)
- 37 Completions made
- 1 Interception made
- 41,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance. A new all time record for non-semi/non-final attendance!
Match Results for Weeks 12,13 and 14
(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)
Open Scramble 2509/2510 – North Division
- Tail Slammers 6 (2) – 3 (1) We Tree Fellows (att 22,000)
- TS: Arcani Spark (x3), Nurglost the Expectorus, Bat Rat (x2)
- wTF: (7) Dec, (69) Jimmy (x2)
- Karond Kar Corsairs 3 (4) – 0 (1) The Innsmouth Shadows (att 31,000)
- KKC: Varkon Darkblade, Ashinan Wyrmbane, Valdrek Bloodgate
Open Scramble 2509/2510 – South Division
- The Loren Rangers 3 (0) – 0 (1) Grappler Flesh Grinders (att 41,000)
- LR: Elesser Everlong, Caneran Everlong, Lenrean SerindÃ©
- Orcland Cleavers 2 (2) – 3 (0) The Loren Rangers (att 33,000)
- LR: Caneran Everlong (x3)
- Cleav: Vogdish Storm-Chewer, Horbag Talon-Gut
- The Bile Blitzers 0 (1) – 5 (1) Teotigua Predators (att 27,000)
- TEO: Hohepa, Kalani, Pikai, Rikku (x2)
- Grappler Flesh Grinders 1 (1) – 2 (0) Teotigua Predators (att 31,000)
- GRI: Garl
- TEO: Kimo, Pikai
Open Scramble 2509/2510 – East Division
- Beaumont Blitzers 1 (2) – 0 (0) The Tutsbone Jackles (att 22,000)
- BB: Shunt
Open Scramble 2509/2510 – West Division
- Valhallen Vixen’s 3 (1) – 2 (1) Ragnars Swift Velocity (att 34,000)
- RSV: Fredrick Roeder (x2)
- VAL: Viktor, Olva, Inga
Obituaries for the Period
- Swanhilder (Linesman for Valhallen Vixen’s): Her face was crushed as the opening whistle blew. The Apothecary was still unpacking his things at the time and didn’t stand a chance of saving her!
- Luke Fenner (Zombie for The Innsmouth Shadows): Killed by a scary looking blitzer with spikes!
- Scetto (Gutter Runner for Tail Slammers): Killed by an Elf. Shocking really how an elf could kill someone.
League Standings for the Open Scramble 2509/2510 (as of Week 14)
|Karond Kar Corsairs||7||4||2||1||18||6||12||11||7||4||14|
|The Innsmouth Shadows||8||1||1||6||9||20||-11||20||12||8||4|
|Insert Soap here||7||1||1||5||4||19||-15||9||10||-1||4|
|Mc Cauligh Reavers||5||3||0||2||10||5||5||5||11||-6||9|
|The Tutsbone Jackles||6||0||0||6||1||11||-10||5||11||-6||0|
|Destroyers of dreams||6||4||1||1||16||9||7||8||10||-2||13|
|Really Should-have-been Victorious||5||2||1||2||13||10||3||6||4||2||7|
|Dum and Dummer||5||1||2||2||8||10||-2||11||6||5||5|
|Ruskin Arms Bar Flys||4||1||0||3||4||12||-8||1||6||-5||3|
Player Statistics for the Open Scramble 2509/2510 (Week 14)
Too many Bloody Elves in the top lists
|1||An Elf||Catcher||The Loren Rangers||46|
|3||Another Elf||Catcher||The Loren Rangers||35|
|4||Fredrick “The best Human” Roeder||Catcher||Ragnars Swift Velocity||33|
|5||T’Yrong “I need a second name”||Blitzer||Grappler Flesh Grinders||31|
|6||Yet another Bloody Elf||Thrower||The Loren Rangers||29|
|7||Furry Turd on legs||Gutter Runner||Tail Slammers||27|
|8||T’ong “I also need a second name”||Thrower||Grappler Flesh Grinders||25|
|–||Rotter or something||Rotter||The Bile Blitzers||25|
|10||A twisted Elf, but sill and Elf||Blitzer||Karond Kar Corsairs||24|
|1||Caneran Everlong||Catcher||The Loren Rangers||15|
|3||Fredrick Roeder||Catcher||Ragnars Swift Velocity||11|
|4||Elesser Everlong||Catcher||The Loren Rangers||8|
|5||Ashinan Wyrmbane||Blitzer||Karond Kar Corsairs||7|
|–||Arcani Spark||Gutter Runner||Tail Slammers||7|
|7||Valdrek Bloodgate||Blitzer||Karond Kar Corsairs||6|
|–||Elison Crownstar||Catcher||The Loren Rangers||6|
|9||Bruce Cruel-Lobber||Ghoul||Drackwald Deadheads||5|
|–||Bodgeit ‘n’ Scarper||Goblin||Beaumont Blitzers||5|
|1||Eleeazar Smith||Werewolf||The Innsmouth Shadows||6|
|–||Lashiform||Rat Ogre||Tail Slammers||6|
|3||Grim Bob||Ogre||The Man Eaters||5|
|4||Varkon Darkblade||Blitzer||Karond Kar Corsairs||4|
|–||T’Yrong||Blitzer||Grappler Flesh Grinders||4|
|–||Briel Fester||Mummie||Atrocity Exhibition||4|
|–||Erza Wheedon||Werewolf||The Innsmouth Shadows||4|
|8||Captain Whipple||Wight||The Innsmouth Shadows||3|
|–||Joeseph Kluger||Linesman||Ragnars Swift Velocity||3|
|1||Erison Youngwhite||Thrower||The Loren Rangers||29|
|2||(03) Hamish ‘The Hammer’||Thrower||We Tree Fellows||20|
|3||T’ong||Thrower||Grappler Flesh Grinders||15|
|4||Doomvenon||Rotter||The Bile Blitzers||13|
|5||Rulg Ear-Hacker||Thrower||Orcland Cleavers||12|
|6||James Hetfielder||Thrower||Ragnars Swift Velocity||9|
|9||Chuk ‘the Rock’ Lobba||Thrower||Beaumont Blitzers||6|
|–||Remi Flesh||Thrower||Tail Slammers||6|
|1||Trog||Linesman||Grappler Flesh Grinders||2|
|2||Carter||Zombie||The Innsmouth Shadows||1|