Gerhard: Returning teams part 1

Editors note: As we are gluttons for punishment here in the HDWSBBL we have asked Gerhard to run his eyes over the first list of returning teams for this season and for him to give us our opinions. As always, we warn of potentially strong language and advise that people who are easily offended close their browser window now!

Charming intro, thanks team. Yes, being in the position of authority that I am, the league begged me to give my honest opinion on the returning teams for this season. As the first batch has been announced, I better get cracking!

Middenhein Manhunters

If you could see my handsome chiselled face right now, you may notice that my Jaw has dropped so low it has bounced of my desk! Since the inception of the league, only one team has so constantly “impressed” me with their ineptitude! After thinking that they had gone to the great Astro-granite pitch in the sky, the Manhunters have suddenly returned from out of nowhere to redefine the meaning of loser once again.

There is not a lot of good I can say about this team. They have some amazing talent but their incompetence just overshadows any actual ability they had. Looking at their history within the league they have shown the ability to occasionally to pull off an upset but most of the time they are a run of the mill money drain.

Until recently I put the finest moment of Lord Havlock, their head coaches, career down as managing to kill the entire team and make it look like a mysterious shipping accident so he could run off and manage the Vixen’s (Sorry, I wasn’t supposed to reveal that little secret was I “Brynhilder”). It turns out that I gave him too much credit and in fact the team is so incompetent on and off the pitch that they managed to get lost in the middle of the ocean (or set sail to their boat with nobody on board, depending on which story you read. Either way it just screams stupidity)!

Welcome back Manhunters, I am sure I will be mentioning you in my upcoming articles!

Teotigua Predators

Oh goody, the little dinos are back. It’s once again time to watch where you step in case you crush their top scorer (or step on his waste). These little terrors should have been locked up and put in a zoo by now (or killed on my hunting trip over the summer) but for some reason they manage to persist to make my life so much more fun.

Swallowing my pride / hatred for a moment, they actually made it (alive) to the semi-finals of the Championship IV and managed to come third in the Pepslay Challenge. I shudder at the thought of them actually accomplishing something this season but they have a good shot. Hopefully the other teams will be more confident this season and be more willing to get themselves a new pair of dinosaur skinned boots (mine look very fetching). I expect to see a lot more from this team this season … on the obituaries page.

The Innsmouth Shadows

It appears that the Shadows are finally pulling themselves together. After a few seasons of “meh”-ness (yes, that’s a word) the team started to get some momentum at the tail end of last season. With their little doggies now well trained I expect them to begin to tear the league a new one and claim some proper Championship Gold here in the HDWSBBL.

I will go on record now and state that I expect them to be part of the Championship Cup Tournament (the inspirationally named Championship V) for the first time this season and for them to win a Divisional Championship (unless the Elves get in their first).

Its no secret that their performance is inversely related to how much praise I give to them so I hope I have not just jinxed them for the season (although, knowing their coach well, he will already have a book full of excuses lined up). Good luck my undead friends!

The Tail Slammers

Look out; the diseased fur balls are back. Its time to stock up on alcohol spray and prepare the showers if you are up against this team. The “best losers” team is back to attempt to win some matches. I honestly have no idea how they managed to do so well last season. Hopefully it was a fluke and they get the arse kicking they deserve.

It’s shocking to think that if the rumours are correct and neither the KKC or the Rangers return then one of these rats could actually be the best active player in the league. As much as I want to see the back of the Rangers I am not sure if I am willing to accept this. *shudders*

The Tutsbone Jackles

The shambling skellies from the east return (Can you see what I did there)? You would think that after 2 versions of the team over 3 seasons, they would have learnt how to pick the ball up by now? If I was their patron God I would be pretty mad right about now. They did give the Tail Slammers a good kicking last season which gave me a good laugh. Hopefully they will repeat the same this season, after all its not like they have to worry about catching anything from them!

I do wonder though, now that RSV have disbanded, who will they manage to defeat this season?

-Gerhard

5 comments

  1. Hello Gerhard.
    This will be the only time i will grace u with a personal comment u sniveling, useless, pathetic excuss of a man. How many seasons did u last as coach? Pathetic!
    Firstly i am not Brynhilder from the Valhallen Vixens. I merely gave her some good advice which seemed to work.
    Secondly we did board the right boat when we left at the end of the league. We swapped boats at sea to lose some very persistent debtors. Which we did. We spent the time away practicing at our secert training ground.
    As for our ineptitude well thats now changed so just watch out.
    Gerhard next i see u i’m going to pound your handsome chiselled face to mush. PAH!

    Lord Havelock.

    1. hey we wanto to do smash his face in, and so you went to train to suck even more is that even possable.

    2. Don’t get your knickers in a twist mate, I was actually complementing you! I still claim stupidity on your teams part. Look at this way:

      You in charge of the Vixens = wins
      You in charge of the Manhunters = massive losses

      Therefore, the manhunters suck (or the vixens where better at bribing the other teams).

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