Season 6 – Week 3 – Round Two!

Wotcha folks and welcome. This week i’m coming to you from the glitzy broom cupboard at The Brothel, home to The Gelfs… I…I don’t believe it… i just saw… nope it wasn’t him. Never mind.

Anyway, we’ve had it all this week. One player being eaten by a team mate, two deaths in one team, plenty of bashing and flying halflings galore and also some bizarre reports of a match taking place in a small forest…

So of to North Division where we had 2 games taking place. The first was between Creeping Death and Brimstone Flayers. After a valiant opening match the Creep’s were looking for some points to get their campaign going. After taking an early lead it looked as though the Creep’s could hold out and take the win, but the Flayers weren’t going to have any of that and quickly equalised. An so it went. The Norse scored again then so did the dark elves. The game ended 3-2 to the Flayers much to the brave Norsemen’s disappointment. The pressure now falls to those brave Norse Women to lead the way for all Norse kind. The second match to take place was between the Talos Tobacconists and Grimwood Voodoos. After holding last seasons champions to a draw the Tabacconists were out to prove their worth by winning a game while the Voodoos were looking to build on their early success. Most punters had their money on the Voodoos to win but boy were they annoyed. The Tabacconists had a first half chance ruined when the teams new signing tripped in the end zone. But in the second half the Tabacconists ground the Voodoos down and manged to score.

Over in East Division we only have one match taking place and quite an important match . Now so far in this division the only scoreline we’ve had is 1-1 draw’s. Step up the Blackburners. Yes folks the Blackburners have finally made their debut 3 weeks into the competition. Welcome to the leagueBlackburners and what the hell took you so long to get here… Could the Blackburners win their debut and will anyone win a match in this division? After a long and not at all brutal game (refer to my comments directed to WTF and Lighting Claws ie hurting each other please) the game ended dah dah daahh1-1. Yawn. Nuff said.

Onto West Division where once again we only had match. This match was between the Drakwald Defilers and the Tutsbone Jackles. In true Jackle style the Tutsbone have yet to win this season and it looked even less likely when Morg n Thorg turned up against them, again. A fairly quite match in all honesty with not a lot to report. The Defilers got a first half touchdown after smashing through a Jackle cage.  Then in the second half saw both teams basically pushing each about alot.

Lastly we visit South Division. I’ll start with the match between the Tribe and Wee Tree Fellows. Now when the WTF team cart pulled up at the reservation bowl the team looked bemused as the pitch looked as though it had turned into a small forest. In actual fact the Tribe had hired DeeprootStrongbranch the treeman to support the two treemen already on thier roster. Oh and Bertha Bigfist, a fine looking woman. Now these two teams arentstrangers having played against each other last season, with the Tribe getting the win.  Time for WTF to exact some revenge, I hope so. The match was a fairly gentle one with only one halfling being hurt(ish) even with four big guys on the pitch. The game ended with a win 2-1 win to the WTF’s but it could of easily gone the Tribes’s way.  The treemen were on top tossing form as they were able to toss halflings up the pitch to get those much needed touchdowns. The real let down was the stunty sods not being able to get the ball over the line, be it either not dodging well enough or falling over their feet on the touchline. Finaly the last match of the week between the Lighting Claws and the Gelfs. The Gelfs got off to a flying start in their debut match and much is expected of this new elf team. Before the match some were saying they could possibly be the next Loren Rangers (spit) depending on if they could keep their players from dying (catcher died last match). The Claws on the other hand lost their first match and dont seem to be to fussed about, suppose there is a long way to go. From the start this match was not to be a Claws winner. With usual freaky elfish speed and agilty the Gelfs manged to get 4 touchdowns past the Claws to their 1. That said the Claws did mange to kill 2 Gelf players. Could this be the beginging of the end for the Gelfs, who knows. On a lighter note the Claws warpstone troll got a bit peckish during the match and ate one of his team mates, this is the first time in the leagues history that a player has eaten a team mate.

Phew, that was tough going.

Well that’s all for now folks, i’m off to help fumigate the visitors changing room after those pesky rats have been in there. The smell is the worst past, but i’ve got a way of getting rid of it.


Hates The Jobs You Detest.

Quick Summary of Week 3

  • 2 games in NWC North – World Series 2511/12
  • 2 games in NWC South – World Series 2511/12
  • 1 games in OWC East – World Series 2511/12
  • 1 games in OWC West – World Series 2511/12
  • 17 Touchdowns scored
  • 10 Casualties caused (3 resulted in Death)
  • 16 Completions made
  • 24,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 3

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

World Series 2511/12 – NWC North

World Series 2511/12 – NWC South

World Series 2511/12 – OWC East

World Series 2511/12 – OWC West

Obituaries for Week 3

  • Shell Six (Underworld Goblin for Lightning Claws): Death by consumption! The leagues first ever death by a players own team-mate. This Goblins career ended short when his troll friend thought he looked rather tasty.
  • Ezel (Wardancer for The Gelfs): Killed by a dirty Skaven thrower. His career was short but somewhat meaningful…
  • Slut (Journeyman for The Gelfs): Killed by a Skaven Blitzers. She was only doing it for the money!

Player Statistics for the (Week 3)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Blanca Catcher The Gelfs 15
2 Little Running Behind Halfling Whereinthehellarewe Tribe 11
3 Klarisa Oxymoron Witch Elf Brimstone Flayers 10
Haggis Linesman We Tree Fellows 10
5 Dushruk Hobgoblin Deamons Stump Deamonicans 8
Graklur-Kal Beastman Drakwald Defilers 8
Azul Wardancer The Gelfs 8
8 Festus “The Pestitant” Chaos Warrior Drakwald Defilers 7
Hakon Gorestrike Wight Grimwood Voodoo 7
Kalbaz Skaven Blitzer Lightning Claws 7

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Blanca Catcher The Gelfs 5
2 Little Running Behind Halfling Whereinthehellarewe Tribe 2
Harris Catcher We Tree Fellows 2
Shell Two Underworld Goblin Lightning Claws 2
Dushruk Hobgoblin Deamons Stump Deamonicans 2
Hamilton Catcher We Tree Fellows 2
7 Idhrenion Morcion Blitzer Elfheim Razorhawks 1
Rog Turin Blitzer Elfheim Razorhawks 1
Turgon Daeron Catcher Elfheim Razorhawks 1
Komono ono Lizard Halfling Whereinthehellarewe Tribe 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Morg ‘n’ Thorg Star Player Star Players 3
2 Lucky Strike Minotaur Talos Tobacconists 2
Sutekh Iah Mummie Grimwood Voodoo 2
4 Amunop Nehti Blitz-Ra The Tutsbone Jackles 1
Mehutu Se Skeleton (Legacy) The Tutsbone Jackles 1
Ra Heribi Skeleton (Legacy) The Tutsbone Jackles 1
Baradhamon Lithaldoren Linesman Elfheim Razorhawks 1
Wannamuffin Halfling Whereinthehellarewe Tribe 1
Sun In Eyes Halfling Whereinthehellarewe Tribe 1
Inga Runner Valhallen Vixen’s 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Macbeth Thrower We Tree Fellows 4
2 Roxanna Thrower The Gelfs 3
Morgrat Shadowthrow Thrower Temper Bay Marauders 3
4 Manwe Durion Thrower Elfheim Razorhawks 2
(03) Hamish ‘The Hammer’ Thrower We Tree Fellows 2
Haggis Linesman We Tree Fellows 2
Catheral Thrower The Gelfs 2
Aedeorl Coldheart Blitzer Brimstone Flayers 2
Klarisa Oxymoron Witch Elf Brimstone Flayers 2
10 Turgon Daeron Catcher Elfheim Razorhawks 1


  1. Hi Janitor

    Is this going to be your new location, or are you moving the from stadium to stadium to do your reports?

    I would try and stay there if I were you, some of those elf babes are hot, and given their past profession would probably be well worth it.

    Good Luck!!!

    1. Hey Jock,
      Unfortunatly due to reasons completely caused by me i have been thrown out of the brothel. It seems that running around shouting “who’s a pretty elf then” and trying to entice them into bed is not good. Bear in mind i,m not at my prime any more (56) and the years have not be good to me.
      Oh well.
      So with that i’m now forced to roam around the stadiums giving my weekly reports. I dare not return to Warzone HQ just yet. So if you would like me to grace your stadium while i do my summarys and do a few odd jobs just let me know.


      Loves The Jobs You Hate…

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