This first preliminary round was a stupidly brutal one, harking back to the opening of the 09 season AKA the infamous Day of Death. Despite there only being three games being played, no less than three players were killed… although two of them were Elves so it hardly counts. It was a particularly unlucky day for people wearing a number 11 jersey as EVERY single player in that slot found themselves in the dug-out with some sort of injury. Only the Nexus Sykes Rob Terry managed avoid the injury box… because he spent the entire game hiding under the benches pretending to be unconscious! Numerous Number #11’s from across the league have been spotted asking fellow team members if they want to swap jerseys, with expectedly little success!
Nachthaften Nightlords v Temper Bay Marauders
As a rule, when an experienced team pairs off against a newly formed one, it doesn’t usually go well for the new boys. That said, the Nightlords coach is a known safe pair of hands, with just over 400k of inducements to choose from. Conversely Temper Bay didn’t really excel last year (although they hardly did terribly either) as their coach kept thinking he was leading an elf team. What a terrifying mental malady!
However, inevitably in this case, the better team did out, with the Marauders coach dispelling all doubts about his skills. Despite the overall violence of this round of games Nachthaften managed to avoid any serious injuries (on anyone who matters in anycase) Better luck next time eh Vamps?
Barack Varr Rebels v The Nexus Sykes
Two brand new teams face off against each other, on one side Dwarves, and the other, Humans. These teams are both unknown quantities at this stage of things, and neither side has what could be called a distinct advantage over the other. The Humans have speed and agility, the Dwarves have their defensive wall*. I predicted that if the Dwarves could curtail the Humans mobility they could grind out a win, and this was exactly what happened. By constantly whittling the opposing team numbers down the Rebels were able to comfortable amble their way to a 3 – 0 win.
*Rebels coach Klaus Von Jaeger has assured the league several times that this is not an ACTUAL wall unlike the infamous Karak Varn Vandals defensive play of 2488-89. Which although hugely successful defensively, did hamper the Vandals ability to score, resulting in them winning the dubious “Most Nil All Draws” award.
Finbar Utd v Har Ganeth Heartbreakers
The last Chaos Pact team we had was the infamous Damage Inc, which was far and away considered the worst team ever to play Bloodbowl, which took the pressure RIGHT off the Shadows let me tell you. With the bar set impossibly low, Finbar could only do better. Which they technically did, realising that they weren’t going to win in goals, FU decided that they might as well just try to win on casualties*.
In this endeavour they succeeded massively, not just injuring but out and out killing two of the Har Ganeths players, a massive blow for a starting team of slit-earred gits that we’ve seen devestate other Dark Elf teams in the past. Despite these losses the Breakers were still more than capable of scoring three times to secure a win. But at what cost?
*Every year the commissioners tell me you can’t win a game through most casualties, to which I reply “Well, what about the Blackburners then?”
The violence that was so prevalent last week continued here, which when combined with last weeks murder and mayhem resulted in an opening round of games with almost more deaths than the infamous day of death. No one was safe, apart from Arcani Spark, the jammy git.
Brimstone’s Shadows vs Talos Tobbaconists
An Elf team? Calling themselves the Shadows? Bloody cheek is what it is. Going into this match I could only hope that the Tobbaconists performed similarly to FU last week and killed a few of the pointy eared gits. The Tobacconists certainly tried their best to pound the Brimstones into the dirt, with two missing their next games, but it seems they concentrated too much on the ball and found themselves winning 2-0. What an usual playstyle for a Chaos team!
Drakwald Defilers vs Sect of Temptation
The Defilers are an incredibly strong team that were arguably burgled out of a Superbowl final last year and I was rather concerned that when presented with the Sect of Temptation they were going to get the wrong idea. Things went pretty much as you would expect with the Sect losing their opening match to the experienced and feared team, but they gave a good showing, and still managed to get a touchdown. Yes those ladies sure do have a lot of spunk, well they do now anyw-[That’s quite enough of that -ed]
Tail Slammers vs Blackburners
The Tail Slammers are a long time fan favourite in the HDBBWL with three years and two cup victories under their belt. Yes there’s nothing the fans like more than to see a load of dead rats strewn over the pitch and up against phenomenally violent Blackburners the fans were expecting just that. Certainly, if it was violence they wanted, then both teams delivered, the Chaos Dwarves of the Blackburners found themselves unable to deliver meaty enough blows to do more than knock their ratty opponents unconscious, which was not a problem the rats faced, two Hobgoblins were sent of the field with minor injuries and Lashiform the Fourth proved his (highly dubious) lineage by killing a Chaos Dwarf in his opening game. All of this carnage must have made Arcani Spark forget about the ball however, as the game ended in a draw. Whilst this is the first time that the Tail Slammers and the Blackburners have faced off, it’s not the first time the ‘burners have had to deal with Arcani Spark, since last year he was the coach of the Lightning Claws, who the Blackburners hammered (literally in several cases) in the Shield Finals of last year. Nor is it in any way the first time that Arcani Spark and Blackburners coach Charles Dexter Ward have lined up against each other, as either coaches or players. This will in fact be the eighth time that the two have faced each other with a more or less 50/50 split of wins between them with this match doing nothing to break the deadlock.
Atrocity Exhibition vs The Asguard Marauders
When Norse and Undead go up against each other, there’s only one way it will end: Violence! A beginning team with weak armour I had some real concerns about AM’s chances of surviving this game and when the Yeti they’d hired for this game went down in the first turn, those feelings magnified. Whilst AM managed to not get completely mauled by Atrocity, which is an achievement in and of itself, they still lost 3-1.
Nordenringen Titans vs Gitz ‘n’ Shigglez
Two new teams (The titans being SO new I hadn’t even heard of them until today) eager to make their mark on the league. On the one side, a solid Human team with an emphasis on toughness, and on the other, a bunch of goblins, armed to the teeth and with a loyalty card for the Referees Affective Treatment Fees + Arbitration + Regulation Team (RATFART). Up against a conventional team, the Titans could expect to grind forward and score late game goals, but if there’s one thing these gobbos are not, it’s conventional. Exposed to a bewildering array of secret weapons, trolls and general goblin sneakiness the Titans couldn’t cope and found themselves 2-0 late in the second half before eventually managing a goal.
And that round’s up this weeks (or weeks even!) action. Stay tuned next week for more ramblings and much much more carnage!
Quick Summary of Week 1
- 2 games in NWC North – World Series 2512/13
- 2 games in NWC South – World Series 2512/13
- 2 games in OWC East – World Series 2512/13
- 2 games in OWC West – World Series 2512/13
- 20 Touchdowns scored
- 28 Casualties caused (7 resulted in Death)
- 15 Completions made
- 1 Interception made
- 25,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.
Match Results for Week 1
(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)