Season 7 – Week 10 – Finger of Death Strikes Home

Gitz & Shiggles vs Temper Bay Marauders

This seasons gobbos have systematically brought all kinds of lethal hardware to their games – balls on chain, chainsaws, pogo-sticks, Trolls with bad breath… this week? ARTILLERY!
Deliriously on target bombing saw the Mads ball carriers repeatedly bombarded. The goblins ended up having so much fun that they forgot that there was a ball involved with this sport. The Mads meanwhile decided that going near that bloody thing was a good way of getting blown up and proceeded to stay clear. A nil all draw was the result.

Barak Varr Rebels vs Sect of Temptation

The Sect woke up again. “It happens – deal with it” was the official team response to stunned onlookers. Although the Rebels did win in the end, it was only through a combination of luck and sheer desperation plays on their behalf.
More importantly, if the Sect can find some kind of consistency on this level then their post-season chances in the shield may not be as low as the bookies are currently giving them.

Defilers vs Jimps & Perps

The Slammers could only look on concernedly as the Defilers, perhaps inevitably, took these poor buggers apart.

Blackburners vs Asgard Marauders

The Blackburners were going into this game with nothing to prove. There was nothing they could do in this game that could change their standings either way, and with their “star” fouler on the bench with an injury this game they professed a desire to keep most injuries “above the belt*” and to keep the injuries inflicted on the other team to “a light tenderising”.
They then proceeded to kill two of the Azzies players (well, technically one of those was the crowd, but still.) and absolutely hammer the rest of the team to pieces. Only their star player, a Yhetee managed to survive unhurt, much to the Blackburners consternation.
It didn’t go all the Blackburners way however, an amazing pass from Galar saw the Azzies take the lead with the first touchdown, and aforementioned Yhetee managed to injure Burners captain Axbeard Stonebiter. However a couple of touchdowns from the Burners offence in the second half secured the Burners another victory in the end.
*this doesn’t really mean much, Anything more than 5 inches off the ground is considered “above the belt” for a dwarf.

Brimstone’s Shadows vs Har Ganeth Heartbreakers

Perhaps not quite the dream match that some might have hoped for, when two elf teams go head to head the resulting game is one thats often short on casualties and big on intricate technical plays.
The Shadows went into the match as the more experienced team and it clearly showed.
The scrappy Breakers tried their best, but the Shadows sadly had the measure of them. A high finesse game throughout that saw the Shadows come out top. Not that it’ll help them much, as despite winning so handily, it’s the Shadows that are going into the charity shield and the Breakers are going into the play-offs.

Tailslammers vs Atrocity Exhibition

All credit to the Slammers and all but if they HAD won, it’s likely the very fabric of reality would be torn asunder, a gaping hole in all that is would rend the sky in twain and from it would seep through the blasphemous sleeping gods of the dark times before man, and with their seven mouths and twenty gaping eyesockets bubbling pitch they would sing the song that ends the world.
Luckily for everyone then this didn’t happen.
I really cannot emphasise enough how hard this didn’t happen.
At this point it is still unknown if Arcani Spark is alive, dead or some kind of quantum probability zombie. All we know is that he’s off the roster, a substantial amount of petty cash is missing from the slammers kitty and there’s an extra layer of topsoil outside the grounds.
…the plot thickens.

Quick Summary of Week 10

  • 8 games in Cross Division – World Series 2512/13
  • 21 Touchdowns scored
  • 36 Casualties caused (4 resulted in Death)
  • 13 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 38,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 10

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Date Match Result Gate
24.01.13 Sect of Temptation vs Barak Varr Rebels 1 – 2 (2 – 3) 19,000
24.01.13 Blackburners vs The Asgard Marauders 2 – 1 (3 – 2) 23,000
24.01.13 Temper Bay Marauders vs Gitz ‘n’ Shigglez 0 – 0 (6 – 3) 26,000
24.01.13 Talos Tobacconists vs Finbar United 2 – 0 (1 – 1) 23,000
24.01.13 Drakwald Defilers vs Jimps and Perps 3 – 0 (3 – 0) 28,000
24.01.13 Nachthaften Nightlords vs Nordenringen Titans 2 – 0 (3 – 1) 22,000
24.01.13 Brimstone’s Shadows vs Har Ganeth Heartbreakers 3 – 1 (1 – 1) 21,000
24.01.13 Tail Slammers vs Atrocity Exhibition 1 – 3 (2 – 4) 38,000


  1. “The goblins ended up having so much fun that they forgot that there was a ball involved with this sport”

    dats not troo… Rokkit had da ball at wun point but fort it woz anuvva bomm, an ‘e lobbed it bakk up to d’orcs side of da pitch.

  2. I know I swore I would never contact you bastards again after firing me for the incident with the (multiple) cheerleaders and the magic potion but I can not resist….

    That was one of the greatest nights in the history of our sport. It’s always a good day when a rat dies / vanishes, especially one that has managed to survive longer than the average life expectancy of 5 minutes on a pitch and cause me more personal agony than almost any other player in the leagues history. As much as I hate change at my age, I am always happy to see a few rats / lizards and elves go splat.

    If you need me, I will be busy pissing on Arcani’s grave.

  3. Oi! JoJo where is the Vampires Triumph over the Titans. 3 Deaths in one match 2 apo’d back to life (one with a broken back though mwhaaaaaaha ha!), 2 TDs. All in all a night of Vamp Greatness!

    Who’s this Gerhard bloke? Do you coach in this league?

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