Season 9 – Week 11 – What? Where? How? Did I miss something?

Right. Look. Get out whilst you can, it’s all about to go to pot. The lizzies are already boarding the aztec spaceships to escape, the rats are everywhere, the dwarves are all dead, all of the volcanoes are exploding, Gnobbla’s dead, Archaeon has found a headbutt proof helmet and Malekith is the Phoenix Lord. It’s literally the end of the world.

 

Here’s some match reports, I don’t know when they happened, to be frank who cares? we’re going to be lucky if the universe even exists by the time we get to the post season.

 

 

Mads vs Darkfleet

Darkfleet went up against the solid wall of Temper Bay and bounced quite literally in some cases. In the first half the Mads were thumping left and right and ground their way to their customary halftime touchdown. Then things in the second half took a turn for the strange. A massive and chaotic scrum formed in the Mads half and no less than three times the Elves tried to throw the ball out, only to see it bounce back in without fail.  Unable to get the ball, seemingly fixed to that one spot in the pitch to the endzone, fleet finished the game goalless.

 

Brewers Vs Titans

By the end of the first half the Titans were 1-0 down and everything was pretty much as expected. Come the second half however some kind of switch must have been pulled as the Titans displayed more violence and skill than they had done all season. Scoring an unprecedented two times and injuring four of the Brewers! It was all the Brewers could do to hold this now supposedly resurgent team to a draw and even then by the closest and flukiest of margins. The Brewers must be sighing in relief at that. Who would ever have expected such a performance from the Titans?

 

 

Paladins Vs Big Society

Pallies pull ahead here, finally proving what we’ve been saying about this team all season. It must be admitted that perhaps things wouldn’t have quite gone their way as much if Big Society hadn’t been trying to get the mythical and completely fictional “Most Fouls” award (despite my ardent lobbying) and instead found themselves in the running for “most red cards in a match” award. In the second half, Big Society completely fell apart, allowing the Paladins to finish a comfortable 3-0.

 

Mashers vs The Hut

“The Hut” switched to scoring over casualties? Whilst it’s a shame not to see an entire dugout full of dead and dying, points are points I suppose. It’s clearly early days for these new and radical ideas their coach is having as the “The Hut” only held the Mashers to a draw.

 

 

Fairies vs Towers

Some games are massive upsets that nobody could ever have seen coming. Results that cause men to spit-out their frosties and result in eyebrows being elevated to untold heights.

This was not one of those games.

The Fairies brought out their highly controversial “passing to the other team” plays with predictibly dire results, and some idiot allowed the Elf player to realise just how important she is to the team as she spent the entire game refusing to pass to anyone else. The Towers were perfectly happy to let the Fairies win the game for them, and if anything the 2-0 result was the height of restraint and charity from them.

 

Comets Vs Oxmoor

Neither side was really willing to get stuck in here, the Comets wanted to avoid casualties at all costs in their first game against the Savages and the Oxmoor themselves were still nursing injuries from previous games and were thankful for the chance to break out of the injury spiral. With neither side willing to throw a punch the game dissolved into shameless and girlish passing and running plays where both sides scored twice. Honestly, I fell asleep for this one. Hopefully things will be different in their upcoming cup game.

 

Blackburners vs Vixens

Since this game didn’t actually matter to the Burners, they never really tried to do anything. Victor was more than comfortable with that and got himself some more goals to add to his stats. Burners are looking at a chance at reclaiming the shield this year, which would be a league first, but they’ve got to remember how to actually play before that.

 

Brewers vs Mycean Marauders

After a near shock against the Titans, the Brewers were no doubt hoping for another easy game from the Myckies. Luckily the Elves were perfectly willing to comply, and the Brewers took an early lead.until they returned the favour allowing the Myckies to score, before sealing the deal with a 2-1 win.

 

 

Honestly I don’t know what’s going on with this round, nobody was actually giving a shit or playing properly. Frankly I don’t know why I even bothered to turn up.

 

-JoJo

 

Quick Summary of Week 11

  • 1 games in Semi Final – The Sly Sports Challenge Cup 2514/15
  • 9 games in Cross Division – World Series 2514/15
  • 29 Touchdowns scored
  • 22 Casualties caused (1 resulted in Death)
  • 19 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 33,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 11

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

The Sly Sports Challenge Cup 2514/15 – Semi Final

World Series 2514/15 – Cross Division

Obituaries for Week 11

  • Ethel (Linesman for Valhallen Vixen\’s): Killed in action on the field on her debut. Another added to the list of most useless players!

Player Statistics for the 2514/15 Season (Week 11)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Viktor Runner Valhallen Vixen\’s 44
2 Ueghor Ironjaw Blitzer Temper Bay Marauders 36
3 Lhakhi Harsh-Foot Chaos Dwarf Blocker Ashut Titans 35
4 François de la Maine Catcher Carcassonne Province Paladins 28
5 Pennington Beastman Oxmoor Savages 27
6 Doggy Werewolf Monster Mashers 26
– Prince Ehtar Mummie Arkhan Black Towers 26
– Gutwrencher Ghoul Arkhan Black Towers 26
– Corpsegrinder Ghoul Arkhan Black Towers 26
– Ezra Scariet Dark Elf Renegade Fairy Wizards Guild 26

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Viktor Runner Valhallen Vixen\’s 14
2 Ueghor Ironjaw Blitzer Temper Bay Marauders 7
– Gutwrencher Ghoul Arkhan Black Towers 7
– Corpsegrinder Ghoul Arkhan Black Towers 7
– François de la Maine Catcher Carcassonne Province Paladins 7
6 Mr Fumbles Hobgoblin Blackburners 6
– Shurtrik Floor-Hugger Hobgoblin Ashut Titans 6
8 Jorgan Heineken Catcher The Brewers 5
– Garash Rockhead Blitzer Temper Bay Marauders 5
– Orz Blackpelt Gutter Runner Mordheim Comets 5

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Lhakhi Harsh-Foot Chaos Dwarf Blocker Ashut Titans 10
2 Prince Ehtar Mummie Arkhan Black Towers 8
3 Kirkus Snow Troll Valhallen Vixen\’s 7
– Zhuthark Blood-Nose Chaos Dwarf Blocker Ashut Titans 7
5 Ueghor Ironjaw Blitzer Temper Bay Marauders 5
– Hagfang Skullbringer Black Orc Blocker Temper Bay Marauders 5
– Fluffy Minotaur Slaaneshi Big Society 5
– Silvious Soulreaper Wight Arkhan Black Towers 5
– Kaine Soulshredder Blitzer Darkfleet Assasins 5
– Korgak the Krazy Blitzer Black Mountain Bloodjaws 5

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Erika Thrower Valhallen Vixen\’s 18
2 Émile De\’Manning Thrower Carcassonne Province Paladins 16
3 Morgrat Shadowthrow Thrower Temper Bay Marauders 9
4 Ludual Sharpfoot Runner Darkfleet Assasins 8
5 Buggerit Hobgoblin Blackburners 6
– Ezra Scariet Dark Elf Renegade Fairy Wizards Guild 6
7 Izzies Ed\’ard Beastman Slaaneshi Big Society 5
8 Enrica Thrower Valhallen Vixen\’s 4
– Helchon Thrower Mycenaen Marauders 4
– Blunderbuss Bironas Thrower Nordenringen Titans 4

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Blewit Smite Chaos Warrior Slaaneshi Big Society 1
– François de la Maine Catcher Carcassonne Province Paladins 1
– Master Purehit-O Minotaur Fairy Wizards Guild 1
– Friar Rempli Linesman Carcassonne Province Paladins 1

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