2516/17 Season 11 – New Teams Part 1

BH: Basco Headpatch here reporting to you live from the HDWSBBL HQ where league officials have announced the first wave of teams entering this season. We only have three to report to you today but they all look really pumped and ready to go, what do you think looking over the team sheets Loktar?

LG: I tellz you wot, I wish I was playing! Squishy things dat need picking out of ya boots after a good ruck! Now datz the kind of teams I likes playing.

BH: Well it’s a good job that we are a team…….anyway the new teams announced are now confirmed, we will quickly run down a small preview of each team and our very own Loktar here will give them a rating out of ten on how well he thinks they will do in the season (although he may make his own system up….).

Blackwell Tunnel Rats – Skaven

Formed in 2516 by former Skaven thrower, Cryfle the Itchy, rumour has it that the team were formed out of abducted former players who were convinced, more likely after by a pointy stick, to play for his team after he was unable to convince players in the normal fashion of civilized people. Finding their nearest league, the HDWSBBL, he is hoping to find his fame and glory (plus a few bob) right here.

Skaven teams of old have has mixed results in the league. Most famous of the teams were two time Championship winners the Tail Slammers who previous won the Slammer Shield (yes their own Shield) and the 2510/11 Spite Challenge Cup, where they piped the Teotigua Predators, Lustria Leapers and 2509/10 Challenge Cup winners the Loren Rangers, to the title. If anything teams should be prepared to play against slippery opponents who use speed as the main play, so take those gutter runners out if you want to beat them or if you dare, try and outscore them.

LG: I’m hoping for some very squished rats on da field and plenty of injuries! Any Rat related repellent or poisons in da gloves works wonders! I give da furry turds 7 splats out of 10 splat da rats, dey could be a pain but make dem scream!

BH: Moving on to our next team:

Bridgetown Yellowbellies

World famous gourmet chef Cookie Chubb is undoubtedly the most famous of Halfling chefs in the world. Travelling the world preparing meals for all kinds of people he soon raise to fame and even presented his own cooking show “How the Cookie Crumbles” over the BBC. However he soon retired from the cooking game after an alleged argument with famous Elf chef Jai’Mai Oly’Veer over the correct cooking of Eagle Nuggets. Heading back to hometown of Bridgetown in the Moot, he soon started to help out with the local team “Bridgetown Yellowbellies” the most useless of Halfling team finishing bottom in every competition every year. It didn’t take long until Cookie brought the team and sacked the useless coach and took it upon himself to bring glory to the team.

Halfling teams are generally a laughing stock in most blood bowl leagues. However one team proved that with determination they can rub shoulders with the other teams. The Riverside Rainbows are considered the best in “Fling” teams in the HDWSBBL, they took out the Nachthaften Nightlords who were the NWC and Superbowl champions at the time, narrowly missed out on being the first Halfling team to reach the Superbowl play-offs and came runner-ups in a close match in the Shield Semi-final against the Har Ganeth Heartbreakers. Generally Halflings can be kept under control due to their soft armour but they use their numbers and if a team isn’t careful they could be swamped by them. Also it is not uncommon to face three treeman and also expect a few matches with superstar and legend Morg n Thorg.

LG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA famous Halfling team?! Look ere Basco, da only thing dem flings are good for is for cooking food, providing minor entertainment by punting ya over a cliff and a useful foot stool for me muddy boot after murdering ‘undreds of ya on da pitch. I betz my house da no fling team will make da Superbowl play-offs dis season! 2 punts out of 10 punts over da cliff, just to give ya some hope.

The Deadly Spawn

The Spawn are surround in mystery. Why they exactly entered the league is unknown, maybe glory or maybe money and even some other sinister means. What is know is that League Cup winning coach JoJo Curwen of the Innsmouth Shadows is the person who has sponsored the team and given them the money to enter the league. For what reason we at the press office have no idea, but we are sure it’s mostly evil and to do with wiping out all Elves, something I’m sure Loktar agrees highly upon.

Slann teams are indeed a mixed bag, they have amazing agility skills and and leap across the field with no problem. But what they have in agility they lack in large boots to kick their opponents down. However being armed with a large Kroxigor the Spawn may have a bit more of a chance to hold their own. The Teotigua Flying Frogs enjoyed much success the year they entered the league and made it into the Semi-finals of the OWC 2513/14 play-offs being piped by the Drakwald Defilers. The Lustrian Leapers also enjoyed a bit of success almost winning the 2510/11 Challenge Cup only being beaten by ten points after failing to beat the Loren Rangers in the final round.

LG: This is getting stupid now, SPACE FROGS!…… I tellz you wot these frogs should be back in da pond or at least back in my cooking pot! I know them Breatonnian pansys love dem for some reason but I thinks dey are a bit too salty personally. I likes to boil dem first then add some spices an then some peppa an den I make a stew out of beastman den add some fling for flavour then…………….Oh urm 5 out of 10 legs. Dey are da best bit!

BH: Well that conculded the first of several previews. Hopefully we will have more teams to bring to you and of course you will be the first to hear about it! So until next time from me and Loktar, goodnight.

 

 

4 comments

  1. You only laugh at Halfling Teams Loktar because you never had to deal with the Wherethehellarewe Tribe.
    Those fucking pint sized cannibals were a goddamn nightmare. It was like playing blood bowl with a school of pirhanas.

    I mean, sure, you won every game, but people would definitely die.

    As for my involvement with the Deadly Spawn, I assure my aims are only slightly evil, and only partially anti-elf slanted. I got a lot of my elf related problems out of my system last year, as well as my Manhunter related problems and my Skaven related problems.
    It’s like 90% tax evasion related. The remaining 10% is general purpose evil.

    1. Pahahahaha Youz had trouble with da flings? Back in ma day wez used to wear dem as pendants! Youz can paint da team another colour, sayz no evil intentions but wez all know dem pointy earz will still gives you nightmares!

      1. Look, I’m not saying that if I see an elf on the street I wont push him in front of oncoming traffic and consider it a public service. I’m just saying that I won’t feel the need to cross the road before hand to make sure that happens.

        My main issue with the Tribe was the amount of stitching I had to do after every game. At some point I thought investing in a sewing machine, but the overheads on those things are monstrous.

  2. “Undoubtedly the most famous of Halfling chefs” Damn right! The Rainbows are a class act, but we’re knocking it up a notch BAM!!

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