BH: Welcome back sports fans for the second installment of our seasons preview. We have a bumper five teams to present to you tonight, and boy do these teams look good, however my colourful assistant here will most likely disagree!
LG: Dis a joke……I cannot belive wotz I iz seeing!!! Three bloody Elfz teamz!!! Getz me a bloody drink an a ten pound lump hammer!
BH: Before you start the……well whatever you are going to do Loktar lets quickly run down and give these new teams a proper run down.
The Revalations were a group of rangers who after a long time of defending from invaders and pirates found that their services were no longer required. Enztilza, their leader, decided it was time to go forth and explore the rest of the land eventually ending up on the shores of the Old world. Upon reaching the land they came across a small hamlet with a local tavern “The Anne Boleyn” which they soon came to make their home. Round the back of the tavern a small blood bowl pitch had gone unused and became overgrown, that was until the Revalations formed. Using it as their homeground they had numerous successes in local leagues until they decided to build new stands and make the pitch ready for the big leagues. The HDWSBBL was their choice of league to join.
Previously there have been three Elf teams, We Tree Fellows, Elfheim Razorhawks and most famous of them all the Waterbowl Wanderers who in 2513/14 season went entirely undefeated throughout the season and were crowned Super Bowl Champions defeating the Talos Tobbacconists. To date (at the time of writing this) no other team has gone undefeated in a season. With all grace of the Wood Elves and the passing ablity of the High Elves the Pro Elves are the jack of all trades. Their main strength is in their catchers who can react with lighting pace. With all the agility they are prone to a good kicking so this is a key thing to do to keep the Elves at bay.
LG: Pah these sizzys! Wez smashed dem Razorhawks and Fellow poofs, dey got no strength like us! Dey are pretty dam slippery soz we didn’t always wins the game, butz wez took a few of dem out, which Im pretty sure dat JoJo will approve of! 6 out of 10 broken nails, dey are still wuzzy!
Cirque du Gobbo
Run by the famous “Ring Master” the Cirque du Gobbo were a famous travelling group of Circus clowns, freaks and acrobats. They wowed audiences and kids alike until the fateful day when famous high flyer Greebo decided to use a nearby mortar to launch himself two hundred yards out of the tent (a current world record) into the supply of Bugman’s XXXXXX. This resulted in an enormous explosion which almost levelled the town. With what survivors they had left the Ringmaster fled and went into hiding with his troop which only consisted of a couple of Trolls and the Goblin clowns. As any self respecting Goblin would do he decided to form a Blood Bowl team and decided to earn money that way.
Goblin teams are generally there to create mayhem and madness and occasionally score the odd touchdown. Oftern the case, the Goblins are fair too into trying to main and mangle their opponents using a variety of illegal and banned weapons that their fans bases are actually rather large. But when the hits start coming the Goblins soon feel it, even if they have better gear than the Halflings. The Trolls are good hitters but are so unreliable they may even eat one of their team mates or even the ball! (Although due to domestic programs Trolls now very rarely do this). Gitz N Shigglez are the only other Goblin team to feature in the league and became the first stunty team to make it into the play-offs, although they did suffer at the hands of the Dark Wings of Fury in a 3-0 drubbing. Whatever the result you can be sure there will be plenty of action!
LG: Right….on da record Iz have no issue with Goblins. Itz just dey are bloody useless!!!! Two wez had on ourz team and twice dey gotz themselfz eaten! TWICE! And now because of dat Iz can no longer hire them or use dem for any grunt work what-so-ever. But dem unions of theres are dam good though! So on dat note Iz gonna givez da Gobbo’s 5 out of 10, since we are da same……ish…..maybe………….dey iz still stunty shits…….
No information has been submitted for this team. We can only presume that these reptiles were tired of being hunted and used are slaves and decided to form a team to find purpose. Either that or they were pressed ganged into forming since their team coach is non other than the Leagues most hated player and coach Arcani Spark, if it truly is him then we do question the motives of this team. Personally we think it’s just the laziness of the team officials who couldn’t be bothered to come up with anything original. But we will soon see once the season has kicked off how this team fares.
Previously the HDWSBBL have had the all thrashing Best of Bands and fan favourites the Teotigua Predators representing the Lizardmen. The Predators are undoubtedly the most renown of the two with three runner-up cups including the Championship V when they famously shocked the Old World taking out the Loren Rangers in the Semi-final. They also came runner ups in last seasons NWC Conference. Lizardmen teams rely on the speed and agility of the skinks to do all the ball handling while the powerful and slow Saurus and Kroxigor (if available) hold the line and form a wall of scales. Be prepared for a slog with this team and try to knock those skinks out.
LG: Wellz I really wish Iz woz playing, I needs a new pair of shoes! Dez Lizards aren’t bad since dey like to smash things like uz orcys, an dey use da little people to do da work as well! Iz gonna give dem 7 out of 10. But if any of dem die iz getz first dibz on da body!
Saphery White Towers
Disgruntled with how the modern game is now played viewing numbers in Ulthuan have plummeted. The beautiful passing game of old was long gone in the eyes of the High Elves and is nothing more now than a grinding match of death and fighting. The HDWSBBL commissioners decided to win back the favour of the Elves and contacted the UBBL to discuss a exchange program for a temporary season to see if they could win back the viewers and bring the passing game back to the league. They were however given an ultimatum. Do well or never return. With that added pressure the Elves of the White Towers trained hard to prepare for what they will face in the HDWSBBL.
Only the Brimstone’s Shadows have entered the league flying the flag of the High Elves and their season did not go all to plan. However they did end up Championship winners by beating the Sect of Temptation 3-2 to win the Creeping Death Dish (Shield). The High Elves are of the highest snobbery, but they take the best out of all the Elven teams to make a very strong team. Passing is of the highest quality and since the birth of Blood Bowl they have been the kings of it too. Expect lots of passing plays and plenty of them in your end zone.
LG: Bah……dey can pass sure, butz dey cant scrap! Dey moan about the game all the dam time! Well iz getz sick of it! I hopez dey actually do wellz this season, so dey can take der big egos, and piss off back to dat homeland of theirs! Bloody Elves coming over ere trying to show off! 8 out of 10 broken nails again….dey are gonna right up da top….which is all for da good so they can bugger off back!
Once again a team with no background information at all. Clearly they are Elves who enjoy a drink or two since most of them are named after famous drinks in the Old World. Personally we feel that once again it’s the teams officials being lazy and hiding some other motive. Weston Blackthorn (another drink name) leads the team.
(See the Revelations for a Elf run down).
LG: Wotz dis dey are named after drinks! And wimpy cider rubbish? BWAHAHAHAHA, dat sums up da elves perfect, wimpy pansys who enjoy dat crap! If dey can actually hold dere drink Iz give dem a fair chance of actually winning things. 8 out of 10 broken nails and mushy head, dey will go far but will ave stinking headaches throughout, pansys!
BH: And that concludes our second instalment of our team previews. We already have teams lining up for the next one which will be brought to you as soon as we have more details. Stay tuned folks!