BH: Welcome back folks for the final instalment of this seasons team reviews. We have the remaining five to bring you so lets get straight down to it!
LG: Bah! Iz getting bored of dis now….
This is the first alert to a new Dark Elf team, you have been warned! Although not much is known about this team one can only assume that they are some form of reality flops who thought Blood Bowl would be a better way of making money.
Dark Elf teams are notorious in the HDWSBBL and have had much success. In terms of race Championship wins, they are ahead with eight! This included back to back League Cup and Championship Cup wins by the all time Dark Elf greats Karond Kar Corsairs, and three cup wins by the Brimestone Flayers. Also special mention to the Har Ganeth Heartbreakers who also claimed a Championship by beating the Riverside Rainbows in the shield final. Dark Elves love to fight! With their Elven agility and strong armour they are a force to reckon with. Take them off the field before they get you!
LG: Wellz dis team is right up ma street! Tooz bad dat dey are poofy Elvez still! Dez probz will do wellz but wez ant gonna give dem a massive score! 8 out of 10 broken nails, you canz be evil all ya want butz ya still poofy Elvez.
Another team with an unknown history. One assumes that this team are fans of the hero Ragnar “the Snotling Stamper” of Ragnars Swift Velocity history, and have modelled themselves on his image and glory. Who knows? We don’t!
Norse teams are dam tough and are among the top teams who cause the most casualties, but their refusal to wear anything other than leather and skimpy loincloths give them a slight disadvantage. You will often see these brutish men (and women) get taken out by spikey armour and fists more than any other team. But what they lack in clothing they make up for their plays. They can grind, pass and even just go out an maim everyone! The Valhallen Vixens are of the highest fame with their star Runner Viktor, who is currently 4th on the all-time greatest players list.
LG: Well well well. Dez are humies on something! Wez like dez lot since dey are all abouts the maiming too! Wez hopez dat dey winz the lot!!!!! 10 out of 10 broken bonez, smashed earz and shattered dreamzy!!!!
The infamous band of swashbuckling pirates hit the HDWSBBL. Their tales go far and wide in all areas of human occupation. After one daring pirate raid on an Estalian Galley which was transporting a Bloodbowl team to an away match in Lustria, the stories now tell of gruesome, hard sports matches, because the pirate captain who took the Galley press ganged the players into his crew and took them back to Sartosa. Over the years these original players have been maimed, crippled and killed and replaced by a harder, meaner breed forming the Sartosa Buccaneer Pirate Bloodbowl team and organizing their own local league.
The Buccaneers have now traveled far and wide using their piratical ways not to take ships and slaves but to raid the stadiums of the Old World and plunder the accolades of Bloodbowl!
(See the Osterwald Ravens for an indepth anaylsis of Human teams and tactics).
LG: Another humey team! Wellz same as before, butz wez like da pirate thing dey got going soz they getz a betta ranking! 7 out 10 smash dem as wellz!
The Fury Little Animals
Another team with no submitted background. Don’t let the name fool you however, if they are Chaos they are sure to be right up there near the top, by either winning or smashing there way there.
Chaos teams are popular in the league. With the famous Drakwald Defilers and Talos Tobbaconnists flying the flag they are a strong force indeed. Using the warriors to do all the hitting and the beastmen to do everything else they can be formed into a very competent team. They do however take time to work as one and often take a few seasons to get to that point. But once they do you better watch your back!
LG: More evil gitz, wez thinkz if dey cause Chaos (punz intended) den dey will be awesome! Butz we ave no idea if dey are gonna be any good so wez only give dem 5 mutations out of 10, dey need to getz dem.
The Mousillion Patriots
The last team to feature this season. The team was originally founded by Remi Le Beau. An entrepreneur, of sorts, he founded the Patriots to unite the peoples of Mousillon, Bretonnia’s lost child, filling his pockets in the process. At least that was the idea. The Patriots were mauled in the first game Carcassone Province Paladins, losing many of their players to the better equipped, better prepared haughty and arrogant Southerners. Enter Hellichec, another entrepreneur, of sorts. He saw plenty of potential in the team, at least now that they were dead… Summoning the better players back to unlife, Hellichec adopted the teams name, and adopted a new strip: Orange on Black, eerily similar to the famed Black Grail Knights of Mousillon. Bolstered by stronger reanimations, including some of the aforementioned Black Grail knights, the team has moved up through the divisions, and is ready to test itself on the grandest stage of them all, especially with the retirement of so many of the divisions dominant players.
Necromantic teams thrive on the ability to keep coming back. The necromancers used to raise the dead helped the Innsmouth Shadows claim their first Championship last year beat three of their most hated rivals, Loren Rangers, Middenhein Manhunters and the Tail Slammers. You will never see a last hurrah like that ever by any team! The best way to keep them off is to put the foot in. Watch the werewolves too, they are among the best in the sport and will cause no end of trouble with your wings. Throw them a bone or two!
LG: Bah! Wez hates dem monstrosities, dey cant even play well unless dey get lucky. 6 out of 10 bones, throw dem all day to da wolvez an see dem bury them! Itz hilarious!
BH: And that wraps up our team previous for this season! We apologise for the delay in getting these to you and you can expect a manic news day today bringing you up to date with the league. So stay tuned for more news right here at the HDWSBBL!