Some seasons are easier to predict than others. This is not one of those seasons. We’re looking at 18 brand new teams with no stats, no history no nothing for me to work with. The best I can do is throw wildly inaccurate guesses at a wall and see what sticks.
Anyway, it seems like sadly, after years of hard bashy teams in the league this year sees a distinct dearth of those more murder centric teams, with only a Chaos and Orc (and maybe the Pact) team to hold that proud HDWGSBBL tradition of victory through attrition.
What does this mean? Well it means that the elf teams have all come out of the woodworks sadly. Luckily no thrice despised Woodies but we’ve still got a Dark Elf team in there and we ALL remember how that goes.
On the other hand, it does mean that we’ve got no less than two Halfling teams in the league, and a new Gobbo team. So it’s not all bad news.
Let’s look at the Conference Divisions and see how they play out…
AKA “The Comedy Stunty Division” AKA “The Pastafarians All you Can Eat Stunty Buffet” AKA “The Division with the Chaos Brawl Stars in” the OWC has managed to score ALL of the halfling and gobbo teams of this year. This is saddening as it means that they can’t all go to the shield this year, something I know they were all looking forward to.
Ashalok Revelations: AKA “The Revs”. An Elf team. They’ve got the Brawl Stars in their second and Pastafarians in their fourth game. They survive those and they should easily coast their way into the League Cup.
Bridgetown Yellowbellies: AKA The Breakfast Buffet. Other teams will have to deal with three treemen thanks to the Bellies TV being only 600, but once they do that…
They face the Pastas and the Brawlstars late in the season, so there’s a chance they might be able to acrue some surprises for them when the day of reckoning comes, but a skilled up ‘fling is still only a halfling.
Cirque Du Gobbo: As a Goblin team, the Gobbos are probably the most competent of all stunty teams. Wait, that came out wrong. What I mean to say is, of all the Stunty teams, Goblins are the most likely to cause you problems. With their numerous bribes, easy access to hedge trimming equipment and explosives and a level of disregard for the rules that approaches zen like, it never pays to underestimate these greenskins.
Don’t get me wrong, they’ll go to the shield. But they might just win that shield as well.
Greenleaf Shamblers: AKA The Shambles, the Janitor appears to be running the same financial con I’m runn… er never mind that last bit. The Janitor has apparently discovered he can only get excited sexually if he’s losing at blood bowl. This is the only reason I can think of for why he has done this AND NO OTHER FINANCIALLY RELATED REASON.
In any case, the Lunch Buffet seen here are basically the same as the Yellowbellies, except they’ve got the Brawlstars first. Grief.
Pastafarians: An Orc team. Finally! Some gratuitous murder and violence! As an Orc player he probably took at look at his division and just started laughing out loud. The only team that could stand a chance against his muscle sorcery is the Brawlstars and he faces them last. A good Orc coach will absolutely savage this league if he plays to his teams strengths and I’d fully expect to see him in the Championship. Winning the Division though? Well that’s a little trickier.
Saphery White Towers: The Towers are a High Elf team, luckily both Slaan teams managed to dodge having this one in their divisions as nobody likes to see Safe Throw on the other team when you’ve got players intercepting on a 4. But enough about me.
High Elves, like all Elves are cheating dagger earred effeminate perfumed bastards. This means that until a bashy team comes along and commits a warcrime on them they’re going to coast through this league winning games and picking up SPP without actually applying any effort.
Oh look though, the Pastas and the Brawl Stars are their first two games. HA.
Sartosa Buccaneers: A human team, which means they could do well, they might do badly. All we can say for sure is that the coach is going to be sick to the back teeth with people asking him how he stores his Buccaneers. BECAUSE HE WILL HEAR THAT JOKE EVERY GAME. EVERY GAME.
The Chaos Brawl Stars: So, a Pact team. Now, the leagues had mixed success with Chaos Pact, so why then am I bigging them up? Well, word on the grapevine is that their coach, is a bit tasty. A bit better than the general league average, dragged down by me and the Janitor as it is. so we’re all expecting big things from this team of mutated maniacs.
As for how things go down, who can say? I’m hoping for a bashy performance, and certainly in a division full of things that go SQUISH in a right pleasing manner that might be the way to go. I could see them rising to the top.
The Mousillion Patriots: Oh eck, how’d I miss this? A Necro team. The Pats could be the game changers, facing all three stunty teams in their first three games might be an opportunity to score some serious points. A good coach could really make them the wildcard of this division. Well, them and the Buccaneers. The Pats have eschewed ghouls in favour of a double-wight, DOUBLE-werewolf with 1 Flesh Golem build. I think that’ll do well in this league as long as he remembers to play bashy, concentrate on clearing the board and putting the boot in when the ref isn’t looking. I’d expect a top-half finish from these lads.
So that’s OWC, let’s look at NWC.
NWC…is a mess. There’s no clear team advantages, no easy rides either. It could go any which way if someone has an accident or a right Atrocity Exhibition of a game.
Blackwell Tunnel Rats: It’s strange to see a Skaven Team not run by Enginseer or Arcani to be honest. No starting Rat Ogre, which always gave me problems when I was facing against the Slammers all those years, but you can’t go wrong with Gitter, sorry, Gutter Runners. The number of elf teams this season mean that the Rats are merely one high scoring team in a league full of high scoring teams, so it remains to be seen how things are gonna go for them.
Kardashian Korsairs: AKA The KK AKA Discount KKK AKA Help there’s too many Acronyms SOS BRB RSVP RIP OK.
Dark Elf team. Can be one of the most hateful things to play against on their good days, but a bad couple of opening games might spell disaster for them. But once those blitzers skill up, nobody is going to stop them.
The Natterjacks: The Jacks are probably the more sensible Slaan team, with their double Catcher double Blitzer 4RR starting lineup. But the fact remains that NO Slaan team has ever survived to a second year in this league. Will this be the year when that changes? Lord knows. You can’t predict Slaan.
Osterwald Ravens: The Ravens are another human team, coached by a rakish and handsome devil with a rugged charm and undeniable good looks (GIVE ME MONIES. I NEED THEM) Anyway, as a human team, things could really go either way and it’s hard to get a feel for how this team will play out. Time will tell.
Ragnars Raiders: The Raiders are a Norse team, this means that in an all rookie season they should do quite well. On the other hand they aren’t starting with Yhetee and they’re going to have to contend with multiple elf teams in this division somehow. To be honest this might be another wildcard team in a division of wildcards. This season is a nightmare to predict what do you want from me.
Reptile Dysfunction: Uh. Arcani Spark, why are you coaching a Lizardman team? You know those Skinks aren’t bald rats right? I mean we’ve had good Lizardmen teams before, but will Sparksters over familiarity with Rats be a help or a hindrance here? He’ll have to learn on the job, but then again I think that’s gonna be true to everyone this year. So maybe the Zombie Formerly Known as Arcani Spark picked the right year to do it? Could he be another surprise upset team?
Uh, no, probably not.
My bet is that Arcani is angling for another shield,
The Deadly Spawn
Oh god what am I doing I don’t know how to frog.
The Fury Little Animals: Oh gods a chaos team. At this point it’s worth pointing out that not EVERY Chaos Team is The Defilers. Even the Defilers weren’t The Defilers until around year 2. That said, there’s a LOT of Str 4 here, not a lot of skills, but there’s a lot of vulnerable armour 7 catchers and scorers in this division that these guys could cause horrendous problems for if they get lucky. They may not win every game, but they could easily cost someone a season all the same.
Think of them less as a team, and more a roadside traffic accident waiting to happen.
White Lighting: Another sodding Elf team. See my notes for the previous ones. Will coast through the game until they get a good thumping or they skill up to become unassailable. I’d expect them to finish highly but you never know for sure.
That just about does it. As for who I think is going to win their divisions? I’d say Brawlstars for OWC and White Lighting or the KK for NWC. Probably Lightning.