Causing Havoc in the old world since 2506

Season 14 – Week 1 – Winter Has Come!

The Winter Season is upon us, same as it ever was, although with somewhat less teams than usual. Whatever, makes it easier for me anyhow. Let’s get some match reports done so I can f- off down the pub.


North Division

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 (0) – 0 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

There are three teams I reckon could take the cup this year, and the Dreadnauts, after the summer season are absolutely one of them. The Blitzers are fine lads and there’s nothing I like more than to see a team willing to just have a scrap in the midfield don’t get me wrong, but I just think they need one more seasons worth of experience before they become contenders.

The DN’s seemed to be in fine form this game, in fact, if anything they seemed a bit over-eager. Postgame their Coach indicated he wasn’t happy with the amount of speed and pace he was seeing from the team.

“At one point I swear one of them was thinking about making a pass! A PASS! They’ve gotten cocky and it’ll all come to fire and damnation soon enough. This sort of showboating has no place in a team of mine!” he is quoted as saying.

*Original Working title: Game I could actually be arsed to watch.

Beards of Zeus 1 (3) – 3 (0) Gaen Vale Stags

Well, the Stags sadly seems to have finally got into their groove, hammering this new Dwarf team 3-1. The Beards did some traditional hammering of their own for sure, but as they say in Blood Bowl “You only need 3 Elves to win a game”. But what these new stunties lack in ability they make up for in spite and viciousness, it’s just a shame that the Ref hadn’t been sufficiently bribed this game for them to get away with a turn 16 foul. Better luck next time lads!


South Division

Liz \’n\’ Let Die 0 (0) – 2 (1) Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC

It does me a power of good to see Loco’s coach back in the league, his propensity for getting away with the ridiculous always made for great games to watch. This 2-0 drubbing marks an excellent start for his return season. After the game, the other coach admitted that he’d failed the pre-season rituals and thus was now suffering under the curse: the Un-pain of Ted-Moh-Dells. Shocking! In this day and age too, in a modern league! I know the schedules been a bit more hectic this year than usual, but sure this is no excuse! Hopefully the curse will be lifted before the end of the season.

DC Marvels 0 (0) – 3 (2) Themysciran Thunderers

Are the DC Marvels an Elf team, or are they just humans wearing false ears? I think the results pretty much speak for themselves. Time will tell if this identity confused team can actually PLAY like elves at some point, but until then, this was the Thunderers (another of my league topper picks) game to lose. And.. well… they just didn’t. They didn’t in emphatic form. I don’t know how more clearly this team could have not lost… well no, that’s a lie, we all remember the infamous 7-0 Warpstone Wanderers drubbing of Team Chaos in 2518. But that wasn’t a game it was an experiment in taking the piss.


So, that’s the first round of games, next week expect Norsca Wild Fire (my third top-pick) and the Har-Ganeth Vipers to have games. For anyone who’s putting any stock in my predictions however, let me remind you that I haven’t gotten a single one of these things right yet, and I doubt I’ll be starting now. In the Stags are actually managing not trip over their own arses all the time now then they could well be the dark horse of the season.

JoJo

Quick Summary of Week 1

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 8 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 10 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 22,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 1

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 1

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 1)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 0 2 -2 3
Gaen Vale Stags 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 0 3 -3 3
Norsca Wild Fire 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Beards of Zeus 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 3 0 3 0
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 2 0 2 0

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Themysciran Thunderers 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 2 0 2 3
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 1 0 1 3
Har Ganeth Vipers 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0 1 -1 0
DC Marvels 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0 2 -2 0

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 1)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 12
2 Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 7
3 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 6
4 Hugen Slivershield Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Mucus Membrane Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 5
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 5
Durlan Sylbalar II Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 5
Blofeld Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 5
Manxiti Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 5
Galacter Linesman DC Marvels 5

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 3
2 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
3 Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Neidadora Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Isnia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Krit Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Baxter Deathroller Beards of Zeus 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 2
2 Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 1
Cam Hicks Catcher DC Marvels 1
Elvectro Blitzer DC Marvels 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

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