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Season 14 – Week 4 – End of the Line!

Here we are, final round, it’s been a competition of surprises for sure, and of people wilfully making sure none of my betting slips come up. Don’t think I don’t notice you rizzoles doing this. (Begins grumbling in earnest, is then directed back to match reports). Right, last round, let see what we got then!

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 (4) – 0 (0) Norsca Wild Fire

The pundits were all backing Norse to win this game, and some fool told the Dwarves. The resultant carnage would have made even a Khornate team flinch and go “Steady on lads”. Nothing could stop them in the first half, dispatching player after player, not Zara, not Wilhelm Chaney, and the Death Roller wasn’t even on the pitch yet!

And they just kept going in the second half, until the Norse managed to tackle the Deathroller as it was trundling along, leaving the ball uncovered. But the fury and carnage was too much, the Norse must have been too intimidated, as nerves got the better of the players again and again.

There were opportunities to be had, but in the end they couldn’t capitalise on them, 2-0 to the Dreadnauts and a resounding tournament victory for the Dwarves.

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2 (4) – 0 (3) Bridgetown Bantams

We managed to get a quote from the Halfling team mid game here, lemme see if I can find it (rustling of various pieces of paper) ah, here it is:

“One day I dream of getting the ball into the other half”

…yeah. At one point those frogs actually managed to cleanly separate the entire Halfling part of the team from the Treemen part of it, and there was a LOT of Treeman in this game.

It seems like after multiple years, the Spacehoppers have finally found their groove, and thanks to that, they managed to secure third place in the tournament and more silverware for this, the only Slaan team with any.

Themysciran Thunderers 2 (2) – 1 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

The Bile Blitzers’ lone pestigor continues to the be the only player who realises this is (allegedly, I don’t believe it either) a ball sport, and he’s beginning to get really good at it. However unlike the ‘flings of the last round, these amazons weren’t going to be intimidated by the beast, and they dragged it down and fouled it off the pitch.

For a moment glory loomed for the Blitzers but at that last moment, the ball carrier tripped over his own fetid toes, and the tide turned.

Rallying back, the Thunderers mounted the charge and scored twice in the second half, coming back from being one behind in the first half for a 2-1 win, and to beat off [ooh er missus – ed] the Blitzers for the 2nd place finish.

Akumal City Rainmakers 1 (0) – 2 (2) Gaen Vale Stags

A tight game were nothing noteworth happened. EXACTLY what the Elves have been waiting for, and they must be praising Nuffle for that.

The elves for once proved all of their detractors wrong and actually managed to outscore their opponents, denying the Rainmakers 3rd place. But whether this last spurt of performance is enough for us to ever see them again only time will tell.

Hobbiton Gardeners 3 (3) – 0 (0) Pastafarian Juniaz

Confidentially, I don’t think these Jr division players for the Pastafarians are going to be seen again in this league. I mean, those three that the Troll ate this game wont be for a start.

…and if you need more of a match report after being told that then clearly you are not a fan of blood bowl.
…and that was the… THE CHANELF CHALLENGE CUP!?!? THE CHANELF BLOODY CUP!? YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN DOING [blank] MATCH REPORTS FOR A [blank] ELF SPONSORED TOURNAMENT!? WHEN I CATCH YOU I’M GOING [blank] YOUR [blank] AND [blank][blank] INSIDE YOUR OWN [blank] AND THEN PLAY YOU LIKE A [blank]ING BANJO!
we’ll have more match reports from JoJo in the winter season….OH [blank] HE’S GOT INSIDE! DON’T JUST STAND THERE! RUN! OH [blank][blank] HE’S GOT A…[signal cutoff]

Quick Summary of Week 4

  • 5 games in Central Division – Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519
  • 13 Touchdowns scored
  • 20 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 6 Completions made
  • 23,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 4

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519 – Central Division

Obituaries for Week 4

Standings (After Fourth Round)

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 4 4 0 0 6 1 5 9 1 8 120
Themysciran Thunderers 4 3 0 1 6 3 3 9 5 4 90
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 4 2 1 1 7 5 2 6 10 -4 70
Norsca Wild Fire 4 2 0 2 5 3 2 6 9 -3 60
Gaen Vale Stags 4 2 0 2 8 7 1 7 8 -1 60
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 4 2 0 2 3 3 0 6 7 -1 60
Akumal City Rainmakers 4 1 2 1 6 5 1 4 4 0 50
Hobbiton Gardeners 4 1 1 2 5 6 -1 11 6 5 40
Bridgetown Bantams 4 1 0 3 1 5 -4 10 8 2 30
Pastafarian Juniaz 4 0 0 4 2 11 -9 1 11 -10 0

Player Statistics for the (Week 4)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Aleksander Lødemel Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 19
2 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 16
Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 16
4 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 14
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 14
6 Matthewn \”Chopper\” Harris Troll Slayer Barack Varr Dreadnauts 12
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 12
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 12
Walter Whacker Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 12
Oakleaf Treeman Bridgetown Bantams 12

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
2 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 3
Aleksander Lødemel Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 3
6 Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ozwold Doom Diver Pastafarian Juniaz 2
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
Barry \”The Basher\” Bishop Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 2

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Oakleaf Treeman Bridgetown Bantams 6
2 Trunkgirth Hardwood Treeman Hobbiton Gardeners 5
3 Obi-Wan Kroaknobi Blitzer The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2
Gorim Garinsson Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Angus \”Lucky\” Loriccson Deathroller Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Clinara Blitzer Themysciran Thunderers 2
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Chryogone Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Charlie \”Chicken\” Choker Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 2

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 6
Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 6
3 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 5
4 Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 4
5 Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
6 Mictlantecuhtli Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Xheel Xchek Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Kristoffer Henriksen Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 1

Chanelf Challenge Cup Fourth Round Fixtures & Predictions

The final round is upon us and nothing is certain still in this competition. Here are the final round fixtures (don’t forget to keep up to date with the results as they come in on our Twatter feed):

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Bridgetown Bantams

Barack Varr Dreadnauts vs Norsca Wild Fire

Themysciran Thunderers vs The Bloated Bile Blitzers

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Gaen Vale Stags

Hobbiton Gardeners vs Pastafarian Juniaz

And the table is looking hot after round three’s matches:

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 3 3 0 0 4 1 3 5 1 4 90
Norsca Wild Fire 3 2 0 1 5 1 4 6 5 1 60
Themysciran Thunderers 3 2 0 1 4 2 2 7 3 4 60
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3 2 0 1 2 1 1 4 5 -1 60
Akumal City Rainmakers 3 1 2 0 5 3 2 4 2 2 50
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3 1 1 1 5 5 0 2 7 -5 40
Gaen Vale Stags 3 1 0 2 6 6 0 5 8 -3 30
Bridgetown Bantams 3 1 0 2 1 3 -2 7 4 3 30
Hobbiton Gardeners 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 8 6 2 10
Pastafarian Juniaz 3 0 0 3 2 8 -6 1 8 -7 0

And for the last time lets see what our pundits predict in the final round, over to you for the last time in this competition!

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Bridgetown Bantams

Making a late dash, or should that be ‘leap’ for mid-table mediocrity, both The Bantams and the Spacehoppers are one win a piece. Will it be the free scoring antics of the ‘Hoppers, or will one of the leagues bashiest teams (not bashiest ‘Flings, just bashiest!) claim another slew of victims…?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-2 “Dowz stunites is well ard and bashy. Wez fink dey will win!”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-2 “After their match with the gardeners I’ll be totally mashed if the Spacehoppers are mentally and physically ready to face another Halfling team so soon, so the bantams have a radical chance for a win. Having said that, if they are ready then I suspect the space frogs are looking for revenge. One half-dude looks the same as another and unfortunately for the Bantams they do look like the Gardeners….”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-2 “These halflings aren’t going to show mercy now in the last leg of the competition, and they’re not so squeamish about their food to say no to some premium grilled frogs legs either. I reckon they’ll roll over the frogs.”

Lin Greeny: 2-1 “Kan theez slippury space frogs make it two-for-two in their gamz against ‘alflings?  Meeb tink they will mop da floor wif their ‘airy feet.”

Barack Varr Dreadnauts vs Norsca Wild Fire

Can anyone stop the ‘Nauts on their roll, or grind? Will the Wild Fire prove one step too far for the dwarfs, or the final step on the path to lifting the trophy? Front runner vs submarine specialist: it’s all to play for… The ‘Nauts are favourites, but the Wild Fire have their own aspirations of lifting the trophy! 

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-3 “Hmmm, wez still don like da stunty wunz. Wez pick da norf wunz.”

Altann Octopunch: 1-2 “Block versus block, brah. It’s gonna be a dirty game but those Norse dudes are gonna win.The Dwarves can match the Norscans block but not their speed or craziness. Besides man, I know the Wildfire have been hanging out with Mr. Chaney recently and you all know those sessions end…”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-1 “The wheels are due to come off the Naut’s ride to the top and this could easily be it. 500 grand of inducements are sure to be put to good use by Wildfire and that could be what swings it for them. The DN’s have been rock solid all tournement though so a draw seems reasonable.”

Lin Greeny: 1-3 “If there’z wun team in dis competishun who gotsa chanz ter ‘alt da slow continentul drift o’ da drawf style o’ play, s’godda be da Norse team!”

Themysciran Thunderers vs The Bloated Bile Blitzers

The Thunderers lost out to the ‘Nauts in the last round, but can still lift the trophy if the dwarves slip up… Hoping the Wild Fire will prove to be the proverbial banana that slips their rivals up, they will first have to beat a Blitzers side that has only scored twice, but has also won two games. Both teams have both a shot of still in with a chance of lifting the trophy or to play king maker. A key match in the final round….

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-1 “Diz is a close wun, an wez fink da smelly wunz will stink up da girly wunz but it wil be a draw”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “Those Amazon babes are looking good and have the skills to keep away from the Blitzer’s players, except possibly the Beast. The foxy blitzers, that’s what they’re called right, will be the crest of the wave that the Thunderers will ride to victory on. Provided they don’t get taken out early. Or in fact after the game, by me! Hopefully they won’t have caught anything from Papa Nurgle and I won’t catch anything from them…”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-0 “Honestly this could go either way, the Bile Blitzers can shut down any attempt at the passing game, but the Thunderers front line are good enough to punch a hole in their line and get through, but if the Blitzers start thinning out the Thunderers numbers (and that number in particular is the #2 with Guard) then it could easily be a different story.”

Lin Greeny: 2-1 “Dem girliss on da ‘Zons team ad bedda per-pare fer da inevitabul visit ter da infectious diseasz departmunt at da locul apovvecary guild afta dis match. As ter oose goin’ ter actualey win…  Mee tink da ‘Zons ab da edge, jus’ so lon’z they try ter avoid actuul fysicul contact wif da infecteded wunz.”

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Gaen Vale Stags

The Rainmakers finally won a match in the last round, but are out of the running despite Coach Hun-zan’s croaking about his undefeated streak. The Stags started well against the Pastafarians but have lost their last two matches. They will clearly be looking to end the season on a high, and take the frustrations out on the Rainmakers. 

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-4 “Da pointy eared wunz wil score lots and lots. Dey wil smash da froggyboyz…”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-3 “The Rainmakers are starting to form into a solid team brah, but dude!, the Stag’s super agile Blitzer and Catcher combo of Elamice and Torjeon are going to be too much for the frogmen to handle. Sorry frog dudes, you are awesome but not Elf awesome, and they in turn are no way near Sea Elf awesome!”

Jojo Kerwin: 2-0 “I reckon the Stags will still have the yips from the last game, although a team with nothing left to lose is always the most dangerous, so who knows what kind of a performance we’ll see from the elves this time around? Lord knows they don’t.”

Lin Greeny: 4-3 “Slippury frogs versus skinnies!  Mee tink dis will be a ‘igh scorin’ game, Possiblee slightlee in da frogs favour due ter their leapin’ ability.”

Hobbiton Gardeners vs Pastafarian Juniaz

The League’s joint bashiest team- yes, The Gardeners!- will take on the team that have taken the most casualties thus far… The Juniaz luck surely has to change, and if their “Speshalists” actually turn up and play, they will be a match for anyone. Who will finish the top stunty team?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-2  “Dowz wepunz need ta be less secret and more hitty…! Then they will smash da stunties!”

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “Little dudes versus little dudes! The Gardeners put everydude on notice in their last match causing a wipe out of half of their opponents players and showing they are not to be overlooked (not that you can help but do that *snigger*). However the other coaches keep rumours afloat that the green little dudes are going to blow up on some poor team real soon. Maybe the Gardeners will get a taste of their own soda pop, but I don’t think it will be against the Junior Rastas

Jojo Kerwin: 0-2 “I think the Jr’s are due. I mean surely, sooner or later, that fanatic is going to do SOMETHING right?

Lin Greeny: 2-0 “Da Juniaz av ad a ‘ard time in their trii gamz ter date. Purson-alee, mee tink dat Nuffle iz punishin’ dem fer nub ‘aving a fancy uniform. Greun skins playin’ in greun armee surplus kit makz dem look loike a gaggle o’ plastic soldiaz. Theez Gobbo boyz need ter change dat soon!  Mee per-dict dat dis weeks enimyz o’ ‘airy footed childrun will beet dem too!”

 

There you have it folks, the last prediction of this competition! Tune in tonight for what will be a pretty spectacular evening!

Season 14 – Week 3 – Heat is on!

Another report fresh off the press from JoJo for the third round matches!

Gaen Vale Stags vs Norsca Wild Fire

Something seems to be going very wrong for the elves in this competition, they just can’t seem to catch a break. This is of course hilarious. It just goes to show, sometimes the best team on paper isn’t the best team on the day. Basically, if it could go wrong today, it did go wrong. Did the Norse slip something untoward into their pre-match and half-time beverages? And if so, where can I get some? Or alternatively, did the Stags get all of their gear by stealing it from a gypsy witch living at a crossroads who vowed revenge upon them? SOMETHING like this is going on here, and I promise you all I will not rest until I have gotten to the bottom of this… and found out if I can replicate it.

The Bloated Bile Blitzers vs Bridgetown Bantams

The Blitzers Beast of Nurgle proved too horrifying for even these half-sized heroes to have a go at, and with it’s writhing tentacles and foul appearance it managed to pin them down long enough for the Pestigor to score. With their advantage secured the Bile Blitzers then shut things down for the rest of the game, which against a more aerodynamic team than most can be a difficult thing to do, so credit where it’s due to the Blitzers for managing it.

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Pastafarian Juniaz

Both teams seem to be playing better in the third round, the Juniaz managing not to suffer a cavalcade of targeted fouls in the first few seconds of the game, and the frogs getting in an early lead. However, even with them on the pitch the “special” players of the Juniaz side couldn’t seem to make the impact they needed, and in the second half the Rainmakers secured their lead with a second TD and a swift boot to the head of the Doomdiver. The first win for a Frog team this year.

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Hobbiton Gardeners

Sometimes you have to admire the perserverance of fans when they smuggle in the parts for a trebuchet and build it right there on the stands like the Spacehoppers did this week. With Zara splattered in the opening seconds of the game things were looking up for these frogs. But then the Halflings got angry, and you wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. Violence led to touchdowns, and their froggy opponents fled from these pint-sized berserkers, luckily however they fled in the right direction and whilst holding the ball. Both frogs teams finally managing to pick up their first wins in this round, and with the right results they could still end up 2nd or 3rd.

Themysciran Thunderers vs Barack Varr Dreadnauts

A game marred by complaints from the Dwarf team that their punching gloves had been tampered with and replaced with foam pads. In truth, most of these complaints seem to stem from the fact that they had already done this to their opponents this round and they seemed most aggrieved over the lack of orginality and creativity. Then both sides took those plates off in the second half and things got a bit unpleasant. For the Amazons. Although it has to be said that the Thunderers ballsy attacks on the Deathroller actually working did endear many a casual fan to their cause. Easily the closest game these Dwarves have had all competition, and even they were forced to grudgingly admit that if the Thunderers receiver hadn’t managed to somehow punch himself in the face when attempting to brush off his man-marker for a catch then this game could have EASILY ended in a draw.

See you in the final round!

JoJo

Quick Summary of Week 3

  • 5 games in Central Division – Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519
  • 9 Touchdowns scored
  • 13 Casualties caused (3 resulted in Death)
  • 5 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 23,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 3

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519 – Central Division

Obituaries for Week 3

Standings (After Third Round)

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 3 3 0 0 4 1 3 5 1 4 90
Norsca Wild Fire 3 2 0 1 5 1 4 6 5 1 60
Themysciran Thunderers 3 2 0 1 4 2 2 7 3 4 60
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3 2 0 1 2 1 1 4 5 -1 60
Akumal City Rainmakers 3 1 2 0 5 3 2 4 2 2 50
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3 1 1 1 5 5 0 2 7 -5 40
Gaen Vale Stags 3 1 0 2 6 6 0 5 8 -3 30
Bridgetown Bantams 3 1 0 2 1 3 -2 7 4 3 30
Hobbiton Gardeners 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 8 6 2 10
Pastafarian Juniaz 3 0 0 3 2 8 -6 1 8 -7 0

Player Statistics for the (Week 3)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 14
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 14
Aleksander Lødemel Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 14
4 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 12
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 12
6 Chacaerulea Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 10
Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 10
Matthewn \\\”Chopper\\\” Harris Troll Slayer Barack Varr Dreadnauts 10
Bialaer Pavyre Linesman Gaen Vale Stags 10
10 Juscyra Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 9

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 4
2 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3
Aleksander Lødemel Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 3
4 Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 2
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ozwold Doom Diver Pastafarian Juniaz 2
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 2
Kukulcun Blitzer Akumal City Rainmakers 2

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Oakleaf Treeman Bridgetown Bantams 4
2 Trunkgirth Hardwood Treeman Hobbiton Gardeners 3
3 Angus \\\”Lucky\\\” Loriccson Deathroller Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Charlie \”Chicken\” Choker Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 2
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 2
Bill Bunce Halfling Hopeful Bridgetown Bantams 2
8 Chacaerulea Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
L. Croakribbittson Linefrog The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1
Luke Flystalker Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 5
Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 5
Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 5
4 Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 4
5 Mictlantecuhtli Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Xheel Xchek Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Philadora Blitzer Themysciran Thunderers 1
Juscyra Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Oaxacun Blitzer Akumal City Rainmakers 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Kristoffer Henriksen Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 1

Chanelf Challenge Cup Third Round Fixtures & Predictions

After last weeks frenzy the action doesn’t let up as we see these teams fighting it out tonight (don’t forget to keep up to date with the results as they come in on our Twatter feed):

It’s getting pretty tight at both ends of the table as we can see here:

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Themysciran Thunderers 2 2 0 0 4 1 3 7 2 5 60
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 2 0 0 3 1 2 4 1 3 60
Gaen Vale Stags 2 1 0 1 6 4 2 4 5 -1 30
Norsca Wild Fire 2 1 0 1 3 1 2 3 4 -1 30
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3 4 -1 30
Bridgetown Bantams 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 6 3 3 30
Akumal City Rainmakers 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 4 2 2 20
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1 2 -1 10
Hobbiton Gardeners 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 3 5 -2 10
Pastafarian Juniaz 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 1 8 -7 0

So lets get our pundits predictions on the result of each match and see what they make of it all. Over to you.

Themysciran Thunderers vs Barack Varr Dreadnauts

A top tier clash that surely sees the winner with one hand on the cup, The Thunderers and Dreadnauts both surely fancy their chances in a must-must win fixture, who will step up, and who will step off?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-1 “Hmmm, wez will NEVER like da stunty wunz. Wez pick da ‘ommie girlies.”

Altann Octopunch: 1-1 “Ah, the old classic, Dodgers vs Tacklers… If the Thunderers were elves then the lack of dodge wouldn’t matter and I’d pick them for the win… Alas, they are not, so this will be an even game. Those Amazons do like their Elfy shenanigans though!

Jojo Kerwin: 1-2

Lin Greeny: 0 – 2. Well, dis iz goin’ ter be a game ter …wimper… pleez da blood godz! Dem Stunties are goin’ ter tackle an smash dem dodgin’ girls ter a messy pulp.

Gaen Vale Stags vs Norsca Wild Fire

The Stags were bullied by what is proving to be a pretty toothy-teethless team in the Thunderers, who seem as interested in destroying their opposition as they are in playing Bloodbowl, but will look to get back to winning ways with a slim chance at still lifting the cup if results go their way. Lacklustre against the Blitzers, The Wildfire found their stride last week, and will look to ‘submarine’ their way up the table this week.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 3-2 “Da pointy-earz might get smashed, but deyz know how’ta score. Pointy-staggy-Gaen boyz will win”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “Gaen Vale proved in their match how good Elves can be, scoring with just 3 players on the pitch (Although of course, we Sea Elves could have done this with even less…) If the Norse bash game takes out the elf dash strategy, then The Wild Fire are in with a slim chance. But I don’t think this will be a problem for The Stags”.

Jojo Kerwin: 3-1

Lin Greeny: 2 – 3. Dis wun iz definitelee goin’ ter be a draw. Dem panzy Skinnies woz on fire against da Juniaz in round 1, but got smasheded by da amazons in round 2.  Meeb tink da Norse team will giv dim sum trubble.

The Bloated Bile Blitzers vs Bridgetown Bantams

Narrowly losing the ‘bash-off’ to the Dreadnauts last week will have motivated the Blitzers to make a push to capitalise on any mistakes made at the top of the table this week. The Bantams are on the up, however, and will look to continue their momentum into week three.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-2 “Wez like cake. Cake is gud. Wez don’t like slime. Da smellyboyz shud looz coz da stunties shud be cunning…”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “This game will sticky fingers all round! The slime of The Blitzers vs the cake-covered hands of The Bantams. I’d say lime is stickier than icing sugar and with a beast that can match a treeman in power then the little guys are going to get slimed bad. Maybe it’s best for The Bantams to go over the Blitzer’s heads than under them!”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-0

Lin Greeny: 4 – 2. Enough bile, rot an festerin’ bodiss ter spoil eben da bestest ‘Alfling chef’z ‘otpot!  Meeb kan see da nurgle team gainin’ a few more rottaz ter their rosta by da end o’ dis game!

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Pastafarian Juniaz

The Rainmakers seem to be the leagues resident draw specialists, but will have to hope for a better result against the basement team of the competition. However, if the Juniaz stars align, they could be in for a huge win to kick start their season with a late run of success.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-2 “Da froggy leapy wunz will score, but uz gobbos are sneaky…. Wez wil be eatin frogz legz like Bretty Boyz…!”

Altann Octopunch: 3-1 “A similar match to The Spacehoppers vs The Gardeners, but with the added bonus of weapons! The rainmaker will have to score early to take out those weapon: no one likes a chainsaw (or anything else the Greenskins can get their cheating little hands on, such as blenders. I hear they like putting frog in blenders….!) The Rainmakers should be okay here, but will have to watch out for that Doom Diver…”.

Jojo Kerwin: 3-2

Lin Greeny: 3 – 1 Gobbos Vs Frogs, wot kan meeb say. dis iz eiver goin’ ter be a complete tromp ober by da Frogs, or a secret wepin induceded blood bad in da Juniaz favour. But meeb godda say, dat goin’ by their scurry o’ luck in da per-vious twuu rounds, da Juniaz wuud be lucky ter eben git ter use their secret weapons!

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Hobbiton Gardeners

The Spacehoppers take on the Gardeners in what is familiar territory for the ‘Flings. The residents of Hobbiton will need to maximise the impact of their hired ringers and treemen, while the Spacehoppers will look to go one better than their Slann rivals, who could only draw in the corresponding fixture. With no hope of lifting the cup, this game is all about pride and climbing the table.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-2 “Neva team is gud enuf to win, so wez fink itza scorey-drawey”.

Altann Octopunch: 5-1 “Both teams have yet to actually win a match so this should see all the stops pulled out Everyone loves the fighting ‘flings, but if those trees can be avoided, The Space Hoppers are on for their first win…”

Jojo Kerwin: 2-1

Lin Greeny: 3 – 2 Da Frogs shud win dis wun, so lon’z dat chef doesn’t nick too many re-rolls, an ony tree frogs on da team manaj ter stay away from da big greun leafy stuff in da Gardenaz team.

 

Our pundits have made their views on the match! Tune in tonight to see who will make their move in round three!

Season 14 – Week 2 – Moving Forward!

(Jojo is back with another round up of the weeks matches. All his views are his own!)

The Bloated Bile Blitzers 0 (0) – 1 (3) Barack Varr Dreadnauts

I love it when a game of Blood Bowl turns into a pub-carpark brawl, and this one even had a Rotter asking a trollslayer what he just said about his mum in aggrieved tones, lovely.

Only a solitary Pestigor remembered there was a ball on the pitch as the rest of them simply clumped into groups of brawling players and cries of “LEAVE IT OUT TERRY ‘E’S NOT WORTH IT!”

The second half saw the Dwarves hunker down for their trademark upcountry grind. Their pestilent opponents made a good impression of a wall, but it is a known fact that knocking down walls with your head is a beloved Dwarf pastime. So in the end the Dwarves broke through to score a single winning TD in a textbook example of the classic 1-0 grind that bashy teams, and Dwarves in particular are known for.

Gaen Vale Stags 1 (1) – 2 (4) Themysciran Thunderers

As usual the elves blamed anything and everything but themselves for a poor half. From the amount of audible whining you would think that they had actually conceded a touchdown. As a result the amazons then proceeded to give the Elves something to cry about, and any belief that the Stags performance against the Juniaz was a fluke was swiftly put to bed along with about half of the Stags roster. In an outstanding display of violence and referee distraction the Elves finished the match with only 4 players on the pitch. Even elves can’t win against performances like that in the end lost 2-1.

Akumal City Rainmakers 2 (1) – 2 (0) The Tlaqua Spacehoppers

After the last week, the Spacehoppers went into the second round with much to prove. They were in good form and scoring well, but the Rainmakers seem to be catching onto this Bloodbowl business.

They started gaining momentum until in the second half when they managed to score and equaliser for a tie-game. Leaving both sides yet to actually win a match.

Bridgetown Bantams 1 (5) – 0 (0) Pastafarian Juniaz

An early pitch invasion saw many of the gobbos more questionable devices taken down and out in a blatant act of targeted hooliganism that the game has not seen in many a year. In the pouring rain, the Halflings decided that at long last they were finally up against someone their own size and proceeded to bash and foul the ever living out of them. Eventually remembered there was a ball involved in this game, they then made the only touchdown of the match.

Hobbiton Gardeners 0 (1) – 3 (2) Norsca Wild Fire

An over-inflated ball caused much hilarity this game, the Norse managing to score in the first half. They then managed to defend their lead against an increasingly desperate Halfling side. Their coach got so desperate he started directing fireballs against his own side to try and uproot his anchored Treemen! It’s a novel approach, although not one that seems to have worked here. Still it’s something to put in the playbook.

(Tune in next week as Jojo will be commenting again on the matches of round three).

Quick Summary of Week 2

  • 5 games in Central Division – Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519
  • 12 Touchdowns scored
  • 17 Casualties caused (4 resulted in Death)
  • 12 Completions made
  • 17,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 2

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519 – Central Division

Obituaries for Week 2

Standings (After Second Round)

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Themysciran Thunderers 2 2 0 0 4 1 3 7 2 5 60
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 2 0 0 3 1 2 4 1 3 60
Gaen Vale Stags 2 1 0 1 6 4 2 4 5 -1 30
Norsca Wild Fire 2 1 0 1 3 1 2 3 4 -1 30
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3 4 -1 30
Bridgetown Bantams 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 6 3 3 30
Akumal City Rainmakers 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 4 2 2 20
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1 2 -1 10
Hobbiton Gardeners 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 3 5 -2 10
Pastafarian Juniaz 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 1 8 -7 0

Player Statistics for the (Week 2)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 12
2 Chacaerulea Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 10
3 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 9
4 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 8
Jousulyte Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 8
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 8
7 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 7
Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 7
Clinara Blitzer Themysciran Thunderers 7
Charlie \”Chicken\” Choker Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 7

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 3
2 Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 2
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ozwold Doom Diver Pastafarian Juniaz 2
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
Kukulcun Blitzer Akumal City Rainmakers 2
Leif Dansson Norse Berserker Norsca Wild Fire 2
8 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1
Chacaerulea Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Luke Flystalker Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Oakleaf Treeman Bridgetown Bantams 3
2 Angus \\\”Lucky\\\” Loriccson Deathroller Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 2
Bill Bunce Halfling Hopeful Bridgetown Bantams 2
6 Chacaerulea Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
L. Croakribbittson Linefrog The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1
\\\”Biffo\\\” Troll Slayer Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Hugen Slivershield Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Billy Bad-Breath Bloater The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 4
Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 4
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 4
4 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3
5 Mictlantecuhtli Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Xheel Xchek Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Philadora Blitzer Themysciran Thunderers 1
Juscyra Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Itotia Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 1

Chanelf Challenge Cup Second Round Fixtures & Predictions

The Challenge Cup moves into it’s second round. Using the Swiss system the following matches will feature:

All fixtures will take place tonight! Keep up with the matches by following our Twatter feed. But before we head out we have some previews and predictions on these matches, featuring our newest pundits and reporters, Skritch’n’Skratch and Altann Octopunch to which I am sure you will find out more about them in the coming days.

 

Gaen Vale Stags vs Themysciran Thunderers

This week’s top of the table clash see the Stags take on the Thunderers. Buoyed by their victories in the previous round, both teams will be looking to take control of the table and make a strong statement to the rest of the league. Elvish dexterity or Amazon agility: which will prevail?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 3-2 “Dowz Elves woz well scorey last week. Deyz shud win”.

Altann Octopunch: 3-0 “The Stags are no Sea Elves, but I expect elves to always show good form…”

 

The Bloated Bile Blitzers vs Barack Varr Dreadnauts

Both securing narrow, if dominant, wins, the Blitzers and Dreadnauts will seek to close the narrow gap to the top two teams and make the league their own in the next round of fixtures. The divisions two resident heavyweight ‘bash’n’grind’ teams- only one can prevail.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-1 “Da stinky boyz wil smash da stunty-boyz. An wez ‘don’t like da beardy wunz.”

Altann Octopunch: 0-1 “This is not how Blood Bowl should be played, but the dwarves will use their death roller (Cheats!) to grind to a narrow win.”

 

Akumal City Rainmakers vs The Tlaqua Spacehoppers

A narrow loss for the Spacehoppers and a lucky draw for the Rainmakers sees them head up the ‘best of the rest’. A frog-off between two very evenly matched teams, bragging rights will be up for grabs: Who will be ‘Top Frog!’ ?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-2 “Da froggy wunz wil jump lotz n score loadz”.

Altann Octopunch: 4-3 “The experience of The Spacehoppers coach, as previous head coach of the Natterjacks, should seem them scrape through this one in a high scoring game”.

 

Hobbiton Gardeners vs Norsca Wild Fire

Seeking to submarine their way to the top after last rounds unlucky draw, the Gardeners face Norsca Wild Fire, who were simply unable to score against the Blitzers. Both teams will be looking to get their campaigns back on track in a match that is likely to set the tone for the rest of their campaigns.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-1 “Da stunties wil smash da norf humies”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1  “Everyone knows when a Halfling draw, its really a win, so the Gardeners will continue their ‘hot streak’ as well as serving up their legendary hot pies”.

 

Bridgetown Bantams vs Pastafarian Juniaz

The Bantams and The Juniaz will both look to jump start their seasons with a win over one of their other rivals for the title of ‘Best Stunty’. The Juniaz looked good on offence, but will need to shore-up their leaky defence, while the Bantams will look to take advantage of a team down on its luck. Arguably the pick of this week’s fixtures, it has the potential to be a thriller!

Skritch’n’Sratch:: 2-3  “Gobbos will always beat da fat wunz…!”

Altann Octopunch: 2-1  “This looks to be a great toss off, comind down to a tree and a halfling and a troll and a goblin. The troll will swallow the goblin, and the bantams will win!”.

HDWSBBL - Fact

Necromantic Teams

The Drakwald Deadheads Where the first Necromantic team in HDWSBBL history. They debuted in the 2507/08 season.

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