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Season 14 – Week 3 – Where is the Blood?

This feels like the third round, but I can’t tell for sure without looking it up and HA HA HA Good luck with that. Whatever:


North Division

Gaen Vale Stags 4 (0) – 1 (0) Norsca Wild Fire

At this point, there can now be no doubt that there’s at least one elf team thats playing to expected form.

Three touchdowns before the end of the first half? That’s a proper elfing that is.

They then kindly took a siesta in the second half, only scoring one more time before deciding to let the Norse have the ball as those berzerkers were beginning to take things a little personally, as one elf with a hilariously fractured skull could attest.

Beards of Zeus 2 (4) – 0 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

The Blitzers were eager to prove that they weren’t daunted by the Beard’s win over potential league favourites the Brak Var Dreadnaughts last round.

They should have been. They really really should have been.

Putting down a drive mere yards away from the TD zone with almost comtemptous ease the beards then ground downhill in their traditional fashion for the first touchdown.

Second half saw the Dwarfs casually maintain their lead against an increasingly desperate Blitzers and score again. In two games, the Beards have shown themselves to be the ones to beat in this division, with the next rounds match-up between the Stags and the Dreadnaughts being as crucial as their own with Norsca Fire in determining who will come out on top.


South Division

Har Ganeth Vipers 1 (1) – 1 (0) Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC

I was going to start this report by pointing out that Elf teams have had mixed results this season, but then this round happened and unfortunately I don’t get to say that anymore. Bastards.

In the beginning it looked like Lustria Loco weren’t going to do anything to shift that trend as they gleefully smashed their way forward with the momentum they’d built up so far this season. Leading 1-0 in the first half, Locomotive seemed to have everything in hand. Then the Vipers had a singular moment of elvish bullshit that turned a 1-0 win and potentially an unassailable position top of the league for the Locos into a one all draw… that still puts the Loco’s in a pretty good position on the top of the table to be honest.

DC Marvels 1 (3) – 1 (2) Liz \’n\’ Let Die

These “elves” managed to get an early TD, but the Lizzies rallied back to equalise. A scrappy second half saw neither side able to break the deadlock, resulting in a one-all draw that sees Liz N Let Die maintain their 3pt trail from the division leaders Lustria Locomotive. At this point it seems like only the Thunderers could possibly beat the Loco’s in points in the South Division.

The next round will be crucial it seems…

Jojo

Quick Summary of Week 3

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 12 Casualties caused (1 resulted in Death)
  • 7 Completions made
  • 18,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 3

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 3

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 3)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Gaen Vale Stags 2 2 0 0 7 2 5 0 3 -3 6
Beards of Zeus 3 2 0 1 4 3 1 8 2 6 6
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 1 0 1 2 1 1 0 3 -3 3
Norsca Wild Fire 2 0 1 1 2 5 -3 0 2 -2 1
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3 0 1 2 1 5 -4 6 4 2 1

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 3 2 1 0 5 1 4 2 1 1 7
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 3 4 -1 4
Themysciran Thunderers 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 2 1 1 3
Har Ganeth Vipers 2 0 1 1 2 4 -2 1 1 0 1
DC Marvels 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 3 4 -1 1

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 3)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 14
2 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 12
3 Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 10
4 Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 9
5 Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 8
6 Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 7
Kananga Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 7
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 7
Arturo Mendes Blocker Beards of Zeus 7
Galacter Linesman DC Marvels 7

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 3
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 3
3 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2
Mara Dawnscar Blitzer Har Ganeth Vipers 2
7 Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Marcus Hafsten Ulfwerner Norsca Wild Fire 1
Gunnar Arnevik Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Billy Bad-Breath Bloater The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 2
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 2
5 Neidadora Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Isnia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Pestilent Pecker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Kananga Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Dr. No Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 3
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 3
3 Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 2
4 Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Mr Kidd Skink Runner Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Celo Voidcrusher Blitzer Har Ganeth Vipers 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Season 14 – Week 2 – GOAT No More!?

What? I’m up! I’m up! Fine! Anyway, match reports… match reports… ah! Here they are [throws stack of papers at reporter]


North Division

The Bloated Bile Blitzers (2) 1 vs 1 (0) Norsca Wild Fire

A poor kick-off from the Bile Blitzers saw them 1-0 down by the second turn and put them on the defensive in the first half. But after the half-time break the Blitzers rallied back, scoring a volley of injuries against their lightly armoured northern opponents. I mean, not Touchdowns, but this is the Bile Blitzers, they don’t go into that sort of guache thinking. Well, apart from that one Pestigor who keeps scoring when the rest of them are content to keep pounding on their opponents.

He’s a weird one he is.

Beards of Zeus (1) 1 vs 0 (0) Barack Varr Dreadnauts

The DN’s coach warned us this would happen. The DN’s had been getting cocky in the aftermath of their crushing 4-0 win in the Summer League and this was the inevitable result. Coming up against a staunch traditional playing Dwarf team (IE: one that cheats like a goblin team but with better armour) their ill-advised notions of “passing” “running” and “not fouling” soon caused them to come a cropper.

Flint Churnblade was fouling left and right, the Zeus’s Doomroller was an unholy nightmare to deal with, and Boomer Eziasson was tossing bombs right and left, although he needs to throw a little higher methinks as twice his opponent managed to grab the explosives and return them to him. It was such a filthy first half from the Beards that by the end of it, the Refs flat out said that they’d used up all of their bribery funds in that first half, and there wasn’t enough to make them look the other way over all of their obvious cheating and that it was the Dreadnaughts turn to make blatant breaches of the fair-play booklet.

Nevertheless, in the second half they couldn’t quite get the distance they needed, and horror of horrors they broke their own cage in an attempt to score and quite rightly the Beards punished them, got the ball, and scored instead.

Hopefully this sobering experience for the DN’s will see them going back to their more traditional and tried and tested game plans.


South Division

Har Ganeth Vipers (0) 1 vs 3 (1) Liz ‘n’ Let Die

Liz and Let Die showed a much better performance compared to their last game against fellow scalies Lustria Locomotiv. This was their opponents first game of the season and I guess the Lizzies wanted to make sure they got a ‘warm’ welcome. The elves took a light drubbing in the first half, but sadly nothing permanent. They then rallied back and turned the second half into a back and forth scoring bonanza but LnLD managed to ride the tiger and come out on top.

Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC (1) 2 vs 0 (0) Themysciran Thunderers

It’s was a good round for Chainsaw weilding maniacs this week, with Wilhelm Chaney flailing around in this game, murdering and savaging and Flint Churnblade over in the Dreadnaut Vs Beards game hacking and fouling everywhere. The Thunderers struggled this game to break armour and paid for it as Locomotiv continued their hot streak and rampaged to a resounding win.

Quick Summary of Week 2

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 8 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 10 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 22,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 2

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 2

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 2)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Gaen Vale Stags 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 0 3 -3 3
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 1 0 1 2 1 1 0 3 -3 3
Beards of Zeus 2 1 0 1 2 3 -1 4 0 4 3
Norsca Wild Fire 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 0 2 -2 1
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 4 0 4 1

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2 2 0 0 4 0 4 2 0 2 6
Themysciran Thunderers 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 2 1 1 3
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 1 1 0 3
Har Ganeth Vipers 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0 1 -1 0
DC Marvels 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0 2 -2 0

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 2)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 12
2 Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 8
3 Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 7
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 7
5 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 6
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 6
7 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Hugen Slivershield Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Crumble Crud Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 5
Mucus Membrane Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 5

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 3
2 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2
4 Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Marcus Hafsten Ulfwerner Norsca Wild Fire 1
Nick Nack Skink Runner Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Mr Kidd Skink Runner Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
2 Neidadora Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Isnia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Pestilent Pecker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Brut Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Krit Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 1
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 2
3 Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Cam Hicks Catcher DC Marvels 1
Elvectro Blitzer DC Marvels 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Season 14 – Week 1 – Winter Has Come!

The Winter Season is upon us, same as it ever was, although with somewhat less teams than usual. Whatever, makes it easier for me anyhow. Let’s get some match reports done so I can f- off down the pub.


North Division

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 (0) – 0 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

There are three teams I reckon could take the cup this year, and the Dreadnauts, after the summer season are absolutely one of them. The Blitzers are fine lads and there’s nothing I like more than to see a team willing to just have a scrap in the midfield don’t get me wrong, but I just think they need one more seasons worth of experience before they become contenders.

The DN’s seemed to be in fine form this game, in fact, if anything they seemed a bit over-eager. Postgame their Coach indicated he wasn’t happy with the amount of speed and pace he was seeing from the team.

“At one point I swear one of them was thinking about making a pass! A PASS! They’ve gotten cocky and it’ll all come to fire and damnation soon enough. This sort of showboating has no place in a team of mine!” he is quoted as saying.

*Original Working title: Game I could actually be arsed to watch.

Beards of Zeus 1 (3) – 3 (0) Gaen Vale Stags

Well, the Stags sadly seems to have finally got into their groove, hammering this new Dwarf team 3-1. The Beards did some traditional hammering of their own for sure, but as they say in Blood Bowl “You only need 3 Elves to win a game”. But what these new stunties lack in ability they make up for in spite and viciousness, it’s just a shame that the Ref hadn’t been sufficiently bribed this game for them to get away with a turn 16 foul. Better luck next time lads!


South Division

Liz \’n\’ Let Die 0 (0) – 2 (1) Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC

It does me a power of good to see Loco’s coach back in the league, his propensity for getting away with the ridiculous always made for great games to watch. This 2-0 drubbing marks an excellent start for his return season. After the game, the other coach admitted that he’d failed the pre-season rituals and thus was now suffering under the curse: the Un-pain of Ted-Moh-Dells. Shocking! In this day and age too, in a modern league! I know the schedules been a bit more hectic this year than usual, but sure this is no excuse! Hopefully the curse will be lifted before the end of the season.

DC Marvels 0 (0) – 3 (2) Themysciran Thunderers

Are the DC Marvels an Elf team, or are they just humans wearing false ears? I think the results pretty much speak for themselves. Time will tell if this identity confused team can actually PLAY like elves at some point, but until then, this was the Thunderers (another of my league topper picks) game to lose. And.. well… they just didn’t. They didn’t in emphatic form. I don’t know how more clearly this team could have not lost… well no, that’s a lie, we all remember the infamous 7-0 Warpstone Wanderers drubbing of Team Chaos in 2518. But that wasn’t a game it was an experiment in taking the piss.


So, that’s the first round of games, next week expect Norsca Wild Fire (my third top-pick) and the Har-Ganeth Vipers to have games. For anyone who’s putting any stock in my predictions however, let me remind you that I haven’t gotten a single one of these things right yet, and I doubt I’ll be starting now. In the Stags are actually managing not trip over their own arses all the time now then they could well be the dark horse of the season.

JoJo

Quick Summary of Week 1

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 8 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 10 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 22,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 1

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 1

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 1)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 0 2 -2 3
Gaen Vale Stags 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 0 3 -3 3
Norsca Wild Fire 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Beards of Zeus 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 3 0 3 0
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 2 0 2 0

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Themysciran Thunderers 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 2 0 2 3
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 1 0 1 3
Har Ganeth Vipers 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0 1 -1 0
DC Marvels 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0 2 -2 0

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 1)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 12
2 Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 7
3 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 6
4 Hugen Slivershield Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Mucus Membrane Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 5
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 5
Durlan Sylbalar II Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 5
Blofeld Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 5
Manxiti Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 5
Galacter Linesman DC Marvels 5

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 3
2 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
3 Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Neidadora Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Isnia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Krit Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Baxter Deathroller Beards of Zeus 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 2
2 Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 1
Cam Hicks Catcher DC Marvels 1
Elvectro Blitzer DC Marvels 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Winter Series 2519/20 Preview

The new season has well and truly kicked off by the time you have read this (provided you are one of those few fans, who can in fact, read!) and this season looks to settle the old rivalry of who is better, the North or the South! Each of the divisions consists of five teams, some returning, some all together new.

NORTH DIVISION

The North division sees the return of four established teams that participated in the recent Chanelf Challenge Cup, including Cup champions and everyone’s favourite team (say Whaa?!… – Ed) the Barak Var Dreadnauts. Since their debut the team hasn’t failed to take home a championship trophy and will surely be looking to continue that tradition this season. The next three teams also took part in the Chanelf Cup. The returning Norsca Wildfire, Gaen Vale Stags and the Bloated Bile Blitzers all finished the cup on equal points, with the final standings between them being decided through technicalities such as touch downs and casualties. The Wildfire came out on top and I’m pretty certain the Stags and the Blitzers weren’t happy about that.  Keep your eye (or eyes for all you Chaos fans out there) on these three teams for a mini tournament inside a tournament as I’d bet gold coins that there is plenty of unfinished business and bragging rights sorely left between them (especially sorely with them Nurgle boys, girls, things?…). The final team to mention is an exciting new team that I’ve been looking forward to seeing for some time. No, sorry, I can’t lie, it’s another bunch of Dwarves. You know the drill, they are Dwarves, enough said. Oh, and they call themselves the Beards of Zeus. They sound nerdy, but at least it’s an interesting name which will possibly get this team some interest. They are Dwarves, they’ll be fine.
AO : Brah, been off the coast of Estalia catching some mondo waves and just got wind of the latest HDWSBBL news. This looks set to be a re-do of the Chanelf Cup looking at the teams involved. I’d be down for that. While they aren’t my favourite team, there’s that saying dude “be there or be square”. Them Dreadnauts are certainly the most boring, squarest team in the division but they’ve definitely been there and have the experience to do it again.

SOUTH DIVISION

The complete opposite of the North, the South Division consists of only one returning team. The Themyscirian Thunderers came runner-up in the Chanelf Cup, losing to everyone’s favourite team (who keeps saying that?! – Ed) the Barak Var Dreadnauts. With no Dwarf teams playing in the South, the Thunderers must favour their chances of topping the division this time around. After what seems an aeon, at last we have some fresh cold blood in the form of not one, but two, Lizardmen teams! While not much is known about them and with a name like Liz ‘n’ Let Die, I would guess these particular Lustrians are skink and Nuffle’s luck heavy. The Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC on the other hand, sound like they are the complete opposite, preferring to field as many smash-mouth Lizards they can in order to run rough shot over the opposition. Which style will prevail, and will either of them come to rival the legendary Teotigua Predators, only time will tell but it’s exciting to see them once again. Switching from the fresh cold blood of the Lizards, we get to bathe in spilt fresh hot blood courtesy of a new squad of Dark Elves that have stepped out of the shadows and back onto the HDWSBBL pitch. The Har Ganeth Vipers come with one vicious single minded purpose (and that’s saying something about the Druchii! – Ed) – to re-establish Dark Elf dominance that has been long absent from the league. If they make their sacrifices (both on and off of the pitch) then they should do pretty well for themselves. Rounding up the South Division we have the newly assembled DC Marvels. A beautiful fresh faced team of Elf Union members, hopefully they will live up to their namesake showing the marvellous form expected from them, but then we’ve all seen several Elf teams who haven’t!
 
AO : Like, dude! What a fresh mix of teams in this division. Loving the Lizards and as always those Amazon babes, reminds of that Beach dudes song, “I wish they all could be Koka Kalima Girls…” but my clam shells are on the Vipers. If I were a Dark Elf coach, I’d totally call my team the Vipers. Plus them Druchii cheerleaders, ‘nuf said bro!

Season 14 – Week 4 – End of the Line!

Here we are, final round, it’s been a competition of surprises for sure, and of people wilfully making sure none of my betting slips come up. Don’t think I don’t notice you rizzoles doing this. (Begins grumbling in earnest, is then directed back to match reports). Right, last round, let see what we got then!

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 (4) – 0 (0) Norsca Wild Fire

The pundits were all backing Norse to win this game, and some fool told the Dwarves. The resultant carnage would have made even a Khornate team flinch and go “Steady on lads”. Nothing could stop them in the first half, dispatching player after player, not Zara, not Wilhelm Chaney, and the Death Roller wasn’t even on the pitch yet!

And they just kept going in the second half, until the Norse managed to tackle the Deathroller as it was trundling along, leaving the ball uncovered. But the fury and carnage was too much, the Norse must have been too intimidated, as nerves got the better of the players again and again.

There were opportunities to be had, but in the end they couldn’t capitalise on them, 2-0 to the Dreadnauts and a resounding tournament victory for the Dwarves.

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2 (4) – 0 (3) Bridgetown Bantams

We managed to get a quote from the Halfling team mid game here, lemme see if I can find it (rustling of various pieces of paper) ah, here it is:

“One day I dream of getting the ball into the other half”

…yeah. At one point those frogs actually managed to cleanly separate the entire Halfling part of the team from the Treemen part of it, and there was a LOT of Treeman in this game.

It seems like after multiple years, the Spacehoppers have finally found their groove, and thanks to that, they managed to secure third place in the tournament and more silverware for this, the only Slaan team with any.

Themysciran Thunderers 2 (2) – 1 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

The Bile Blitzers’ lone pestigor continues to the be the only player who realises this is (allegedly, I don’t believe it either) a ball sport, and he’s beginning to get really good at it. However unlike the ‘flings of the last round, these amazons weren’t going to be intimidated by the beast, and they dragged it down and fouled it off the pitch.

For a moment glory loomed for the Blitzers but at that last moment, the ball carrier tripped over his own fetid toes, and the tide turned.

Rallying back, the Thunderers mounted the charge and scored twice in the second half, coming back from being one behind in the first half for a 2-1 win, and to beat off [ooh er missus – ed] the Blitzers for the 2nd place finish.

Akumal City Rainmakers 1 (0) – 2 (2) Gaen Vale Stags

A tight game were nothing noteworth happened. EXACTLY what the Elves have been waiting for, and they must be praising Nuffle for that.

The elves for once proved all of their detractors wrong and actually managed to outscore their opponents, denying the Rainmakers 3rd place. But whether this last spurt of performance is enough for us to ever see them again only time will tell.

Hobbiton Gardeners 3 (3) – 0 (0) Pastafarian Juniaz

Confidentially, I don’t think these Jr division players for the Pastafarians are going to be seen again in this league. I mean, those three that the Troll ate this game wont be for a start.

…and if you need more of a match report after being told that then clearly you are not a fan of blood bowl.
…and that was the… THE CHANELF CHALLENGE CUP!?!? THE CHANELF BLOODY CUP!? YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN DOING [blank] MATCH REPORTS FOR A [blank] ELF SPONSORED TOURNAMENT!? WHEN I CATCH YOU I’M GOING [blank] YOUR [blank] AND [blank][blank] INSIDE YOUR OWN [blank] AND THEN PLAY YOU LIKE A [blank]ING BANJO!
we’ll have more match reports from JoJo in the winter season….OH [blank] HE’S GOT INSIDE! DON’T JUST STAND THERE! RUN! OH [blank][blank] HE’S GOT A…[signal cutoff]

Quick Summary of Week 4

  • 5 games in Central Division – Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519
  • 13 Touchdowns scored
  • 20 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 6 Completions made
  • 23,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 4

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519 – Central Division

Obituaries for Week 4

Standings (After Fourth Round)

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 4 4 0 0 6 1 5 9 1 8 120
Themysciran Thunderers 4 3 0 1 6 3 3 9 5 4 90
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 4 2 1 1 7 5 2 6 10 -4 70
Norsca Wild Fire 4 2 0 2 5 3 2 6 9 -3 60
Gaen Vale Stags 4 2 0 2 8 7 1 7 8 -1 60
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 4 2 0 2 3 3 0 6 7 -1 60
Akumal City Rainmakers 4 1 2 1 6 5 1 4 4 0 50
Hobbiton Gardeners 4 1 1 2 5 6 -1 11 6 5 40
Bridgetown Bantams 4 1 0 3 1 5 -4 10 8 2 30
Pastafarian Juniaz 4 0 0 4 2 11 -9 1 11 -10 0

Player Statistics for the (Week 4)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Aleksander Lødemel Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 19
2 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 16
Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 16
4 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 14
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 14
6 Matthewn \”Chopper\” Harris Troll Slayer Barack Varr Dreadnauts 12
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 12
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 12
Walter Whacker Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 12
Oakleaf Treeman Bridgetown Bantams 12

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
2 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 3
Aleksander Lødemel Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 3
6 Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ozwold Doom Diver Pastafarian Juniaz 2
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
Barry \”The Basher\” Bishop Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 2

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Oakleaf Treeman Bridgetown Bantams 6
2 Trunkgirth Hardwood Treeman Hobbiton Gardeners 5
3 Obi-Wan Kroaknobi Blitzer The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2
Gorim Garinsson Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Angus \”Lucky\” Loriccson Deathroller Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Clinara Blitzer Themysciran Thunderers 2
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Chryogone Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Charlie \”Chicken\” Choker Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 2

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 6
Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 6
3 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 5
4 Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 4
5 Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
6 Mictlantecuhtli Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Xheel Xchek Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Kristoffer Henriksen Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 1

Chanelf Challenge Cup Fourth Round Fixtures & Predictions

The final round is upon us and nothing is certain still in this competition. Here are the final round fixtures (don’t forget to keep up to date with the results as they come in on our Twatter feed):

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Bridgetown Bantams

Barack Varr Dreadnauts vs Norsca Wild Fire

Themysciran Thunderers vs The Bloated Bile Blitzers

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Gaen Vale Stags

Hobbiton Gardeners vs Pastafarian Juniaz

And the table is looking hot after round three’s matches:

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 3 3 0 0 4 1 3 5 1 4 90
Norsca Wild Fire 3 2 0 1 5 1 4 6 5 1 60
Themysciran Thunderers 3 2 0 1 4 2 2 7 3 4 60
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3 2 0 1 2 1 1 4 5 -1 60
Akumal City Rainmakers 3 1 2 0 5 3 2 4 2 2 50
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3 1 1 1 5 5 0 2 7 -5 40
Gaen Vale Stags 3 1 0 2 6 6 0 5 8 -3 30
Bridgetown Bantams 3 1 0 2 1 3 -2 7 4 3 30
Hobbiton Gardeners 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 8 6 2 10
Pastafarian Juniaz 3 0 0 3 2 8 -6 1 8 -7 0

And for the last time lets see what our pundits predict in the final round, over to you for the last time in this competition!

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Bridgetown Bantams

Making a late dash, or should that be ‘leap’ for mid-table mediocrity, both The Bantams and the Spacehoppers are one win a piece. Will it be the free scoring antics of the ‘Hoppers, or will one of the leagues bashiest teams (not bashiest ‘Flings, just bashiest!) claim another slew of victims…?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-2 “Dowz stunites is well ard and bashy. Wez fink dey will win!”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-2 “After their match with the gardeners I’ll be totally mashed if the Spacehoppers are mentally and physically ready to face another Halfling team so soon, so the bantams have a radical chance for a win. Having said that, if they are ready then I suspect the space frogs are looking for revenge. One half-dude looks the same as another and unfortunately for the Bantams they do look like the Gardeners….”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-2 “These halflings aren’t going to show mercy now in the last leg of the competition, and they’re not so squeamish about their food to say no to some premium grilled frogs legs either. I reckon they’ll roll over the frogs.”

Lin Greeny: 2-1 “Kan theez slippury space frogs make it two-for-two in their gamz against ‘alflings?  Meeb tink they will mop da floor wif their ‘airy feet.”

Barack Varr Dreadnauts vs Norsca Wild Fire

Can anyone stop the ‘Nauts on their roll, or grind? Will the Wild Fire prove one step too far for the dwarfs, or the final step on the path to lifting the trophy? Front runner vs submarine specialist: it’s all to play for… The ‘Nauts are favourites, but the Wild Fire have their own aspirations of lifting the trophy! 

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-3 “Hmmm, wez still don like da stunty wunz. Wez pick da norf wunz.”

Altann Octopunch: 1-2 “Block versus block, brah. It’s gonna be a dirty game but those Norse dudes are gonna win.The Dwarves can match the Norscans block but not their speed or craziness. Besides man, I know the Wildfire have been hanging out with Mr. Chaney recently and you all know those sessions end…”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-1 “The wheels are due to come off the Naut’s ride to the top and this could easily be it. 500 grand of inducements are sure to be put to good use by Wildfire and that could be what swings it for them. The DN’s have been rock solid all tournement though so a draw seems reasonable.”

Lin Greeny: 1-3 “If there’z wun team in dis competishun who gotsa chanz ter ‘alt da slow continentul drift o’ da drawf style o’ play, s’godda be da Norse team!”

Themysciran Thunderers vs The Bloated Bile Blitzers

The Thunderers lost out to the ‘Nauts in the last round, but can still lift the trophy if the dwarves slip up… Hoping the Wild Fire will prove to be the proverbial banana that slips their rivals up, they will first have to beat a Blitzers side that has only scored twice, but has also won two games. Both teams have both a shot of still in with a chance of lifting the trophy or to play king maker. A key match in the final round….

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-1 “Diz is a close wun, an wez fink da smelly wunz will stink up da girly wunz but it wil be a draw”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “Those Amazon babes are looking good and have the skills to keep away from the Blitzer’s players, except possibly the Beast. The foxy blitzers, that’s what they’re called right, will be the crest of the wave that the Thunderers will ride to victory on. Provided they don’t get taken out early. Or in fact after the game, by me! Hopefully they won’t have caught anything from Papa Nurgle and I won’t catch anything from them…”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-0 “Honestly this could go either way, the Bile Blitzers can shut down any attempt at the passing game, but the Thunderers front line are good enough to punch a hole in their line and get through, but if the Blitzers start thinning out the Thunderers numbers (and that number in particular is the #2 with Guard) then it could easily be a different story.”

Lin Greeny: 2-1 “Dem girliss on da ‘Zons team ad bedda per-pare fer da inevitabul visit ter da infectious diseasz departmunt at da locul apovvecary guild afta dis match. As ter oose goin’ ter actualey win…  Mee tink da ‘Zons ab da edge, jus’ so lon’z they try ter avoid actuul fysicul contact wif da infecteded wunz.”

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Gaen Vale Stags

The Rainmakers finally won a match in the last round, but are out of the running despite Coach Hun-zan’s croaking about his undefeated streak. The Stags started well against the Pastafarians but have lost their last two matches. They will clearly be looking to end the season on a high, and take the frustrations out on the Rainmakers. 

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-4 “Da pointy eared wunz wil score lots and lots. Dey wil smash da froggyboyz…”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-3 “The Rainmakers are starting to form into a solid team brah, but dude!, the Stag’s super agile Blitzer and Catcher combo of Elamice and Torjeon are going to be too much for the frogmen to handle. Sorry frog dudes, you are awesome but not Elf awesome, and they in turn are no way near Sea Elf awesome!”

Jojo Kerwin: 2-0 “I reckon the Stags will still have the yips from the last game, although a team with nothing left to lose is always the most dangerous, so who knows what kind of a performance we’ll see from the elves this time around? Lord knows they don’t.”

Lin Greeny: 4-3 “Slippury frogs versus skinnies!  Mee tink dis will be a ‘igh scorin’ game, Possiblee slightlee in da frogs favour due ter their leapin’ ability.”

Hobbiton Gardeners vs Pastafarian Juniaz

The League’s joint bashiest team- yes, The Gardeners!- will take on the team that have taken the most casualties thus far… The Juniaz luck surely has to change, and if their “Speshalists” actually turn up and play, they will be a match for anyone. Who will finish the top stunty team?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-2  “Dowz wepunz need ta be less secret and more hitty…! Then they will smash da stunties!”

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “Little dudes versus little dudes! The Gardeners put everydude on notice in their last match causing a wipe out of half of their opponents players and showing they are not to be overlooked (not that you can help but do that *snigger*). However the other coaches keep rumours afloat that the green little dudes are going to blow up on some poor team real soon. Maybe the Gardeners will get a taste of their own soda pop, but I don’t think it will be against the Junior Rastas

Jojo Kerwin: 0-2 “I think the Jr’s are due. I mean surely, sooner or later, that fanatic is going to do SOMETHING right?

Lin Greeny: 2-0 “Da Juniaz av ad a ‘ard time in their trii gamz ter date. Purson-alee, mee tink dat Nuffle iz punishin’ dem fer nub ‘aving a fancy uniform. Greun skins playin’ in greun armee surplus kit makz dem look loike a gaggle o’ plastic soldiaz. Theez Gobbo boyz need ter change dat soon!  Mee per-dict dat dis weeks enimyz o’ ‘airy footed childrun will beet dem too!”

 

There you have it folks, the last prediction of this competition! Tune in tonight for what will be a pretty spectacular evening!

HDWSBBL - Fact

Vampire Teams

The Nachthaften Nightlords were the first Vampire team in HDWSBBL history. They began debuted in the 2512/13 season.

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