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Season 14 – Week 5 – Final Week! (For the Qualifiers…)

So, it’s the final round. I’d like to say everything is still to play for, but to be honest both divisions worked out who was going to be on top last round. This is just working out who get’s to go to the League Cup and who get’s to fight over some sort of piece of crockery. Vase? What’s that? Next we’ll be playing for a Cuddly Toy of Wilhelm Chaney.

Incidentally and in no way connected, does anyone want to buy several crates of stuffed animals from me? There was a tremendous postal mix-up.


North Division

Norsca Wild Fire 1 (4) – 1 (6) Barack Varr Dreadnauts

Bloodbath! Norsca have been flying high over their win against the Beards last round and had a score to settle with the Dreadnaut’s for the Summer Cup. But the Dreadnauts had grudges of their own and were none too picky about who they filed them upon. The second half saw the Dreadnaught’s equalise with the jammiest of Hail-Maries that I’ve ever seen in my life, all the while both sides piled up the casualties. A deadly and bitter struggle, where the only real winner was Bloodbowl.

The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1 (3) – 3 (1) Gaen Vale Stags

The Stag’s attempted elf bullshit against stalwart interference from the Blitzers. Some of which consisted of the Blitzers giving a robust murdering to them. In a mirror of their last games, the Elves secured their position and then hung back, allowing the slower paced team score a consolatory touchdown. Unlike last game, that was because they were six players down by the end and basically had to.


South Division

Themysciran Thunderers 1 (2) – 1 (2) Liz \’n\’ Let Die

It looks like even a second place finish has proved beyond the Thunderers reach, whilst Liz N Let Die continue to improve and evolve right before our very eyes. Not literally you understand, that generally only happens with Tzeentchi teams. Or sometimes Skaven ones who have been hitting the half-time Warpstone a bit too hard.

DC Marvels 0 (1) – 2 (1) Har Ganeth Vipers

Could the fake elves of DC Marvels fool the real elves of the Har-Ganeth Vipers long enough to pull out a surprise win? Er… no. No they could not. DC Marvels showed good moxie, but the Vipers showed actual skill and ability and it turns out those things are better at winning games of Blood-Bowl.

Jojo

Quick Summary of Week 5

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 10 Touchdowns scored
  • 20 Casualties caused (3 resulted in Death)
  • 12 Completions made
  • 26,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 5

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 5

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 5)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Gaen Vale Stags 4 4 0 0 13 4 9 2 8 -6 12
Beards of Zeus 4 2 0 2 4 4 0 12 3 9 6
Norsca Wild Fire 4 1 2 1 4 6 -2 5 12 -7 5
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 8 8 0 4
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 4 0 1 3 2 8 -6 9 5 4 1

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 4 2 2 0 6 2 4 2 1 1 8
Themysciran Thunderers 4 1 2 1 6 5 1 7 3 4 5
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 4 1 2 1 5 5 0 5 6 -1 5
Har Ganeth Vipers 4 1 2 1 6 6 0 2 5 -3 5
DC Marvels 4 0 2 2 2 7 -5 4 5 -1 2

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 5)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 18
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 18
3 Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 14
4 Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 13
5 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 12
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 12
Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 12
Galacter Linesman DC Marvels 12
9 Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 11
Finih Fyrestride Linesman Har Ganeth Vipers 11

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 5
2 Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 4
3 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 3
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 3
Leoven Greenarse Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 3
6 Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Rosa Klebb Skink Runner Liz \’n\’ Let Die 2
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2
Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Billy Bad-Breath Bloater The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3
Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3
3 \”Biffo\” Troll Slayer Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Gorim Garinsson Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Sathya Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Kananga Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 2
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 2
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 2
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 2
Baxter Deathroller Beards of Zeus 2

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 5
Alex \”No Mercy\” Thrower DC Marvels 5
3 Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 4
4 Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 3
5 Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 2
Elvbane Catcher DC Marvels 2
8 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Season 14 – Week 4 – Going For Broke!

Right, this one was a bloody nightmare, once again everyone conspired to make sure none of my hot tips came up, and don’t think I’m not taking names and faces for the lot of you. There’s going to be a reckoning for this, makr my words or I’m not… what? Match reports? Fine, have your sodding reports!


North Division

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1 (2) – 3 (1) Gaen Vale Stags

The Elvish bullshit continues unabated, and I think we have to concede that the shine has gone right off the Dreads year. The Dreads attempted to try and dig their way out of trouble which is very Dwarven, but also very unlikely to actually work.

I knew it was a bad idea to tip them to win, I sodding knew it.

Norsca Wild Fire 1 (1) – 0 (4) Beards of Zeus

Norsca were still a might pissed off a the Stags Elvish bullshit from last round, and I’ve been bigging up the Beards for the last few games so it really is no surprise that the Beards lost here. On Touchdowns anyway. On casualties however, where it MATTERS, the Beards quite literally hammered them.


South Division

Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1 (0) – 1 (0) DC Marvels

DC are proving to be one the few Elf teams to show a preference for the one-all draw, it’s almost as if THEY WERE A HUMAN TEAM, IN DISGUISE. HINT. HINT.

The Loco’s let their instincts lead them and it’s hard to say if their desperate savagery helped or hindered them this game. Either way, a point’s a point and right now the Loco’s are sitting assailable at the top of the division.

Themysciran Thunderers 2 (3) – 2 (0) Har Ganeth Vipers

Now that the Vipers are Elfing to industrial standards, could the Thunderers slow them down enough to vaporise them into a fine pink mist?

Well, they tried, and managed to struggle their way to a draw, which against (real) Elves is always something. But the Thunderers needed a win if they wanted to a chance of beating Lustria Locomotive in this division. So now they’re in a race for the second place slot with the other Lizardman team of this year: Liz’N’Let’Die.

Jojo

Quick Summary of Week 4

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 11 Casualties caused (0 resulted in Death)
  • 8 Completions made
  • 21,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 4

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 4)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Gaen Vale Stags 3 3 0 0 10 3 7 1 5 -4 9
Beards of Zeus 4 2 0 2 4 4 0 12 3 9 6
Norsca Wild Fire 3 1 1 1 3 5 -2 1 6 -5 4
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 3 1 0 2 3 4 -1 2 4 -2 3
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3 0 1 2 1 5 -4 6 4 2 1

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 4 2 2 0 6 2 4 2 1 1 8
Themysciran Thunderers 3 1 1 1 5 4 1 5 1 4 4
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 3 4 -1 4
Har Ganeth Vipers 3 0 2 1 4 6 -2 1 4 -3 2
DC Marvels 3 0 2 1 2 5 -3 3 4 -1 2

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 4)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 15
2 Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 14
3 Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 13
4 Galacter Linesman DC Marvels 12
5 Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 11
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 11
Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 11
8 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 9
Sathya Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 9
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 9

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 4
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 4
3 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2
Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2
Mara Dawnscar Blitzer Har Ganeth Vipers 2
Leoven Greenarse Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
10 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Billy Bad-Breath Bloater The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
Sathya Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 2
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 2
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 2
Baxter Deathroller Beards of Zeus 2
Jack Johnson Troll Slayer Beards of Zeus 2
9 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Hugen Slivershield Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 3
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 3
3 Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 2
Alex \”No Mercy\” Thrower DC Marvels 2
6 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Season 14 – Week 3 – Where is the Blood?

This feels like the third round, but I can’t tell for sure without looking it up and HA HA HA Good luck with that. Whatever:


North Division

Gaen Vale Stags 4 (0) – 1 (0) Norsca Wild Fire

At this point, there can now be no doubt that there’s at least one elf team thats playing to expected form.

Three touchdowns before the end of the first half? That’s a proper elfing that is.

They then kindly took a siesta in the second half, only scoring one more time before deciding to let the Norse have the ball as those berzerkers were beginning to take things a little personally, as one elf with a hilariously fractured skull could attest.

Beards of Zeus 2 (4) – 0 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

The Blitzers were eager to prove that they weren’t daunted by the Beard’s win over potential league favourites the Brak Var Dreadnaughts last round.

They should have been. They really really should have been.

Putting down a drive mere yards away from the TD zone with almost comtemptous ease the beards then ground downhill in their traditional fashion for the first touchdown.

Second half saw the Dwarfs casually maintain their lead against an increasingly desperate Blitzers and score again. In two games, the Beards have shown themselves to be the ones to beat in this division, with the next rounds match-up between the Stags and the Dreadnaughts being as crucial as their own with Norsca Fire in determining who will come out on top.


South Division

Har Ganeth Vipers 1 (1) – 1 (0) Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC

I was going to start this report by pointing out that Elf teams have had mixed results this season, but then this round happened and unfortunately I don’t get to say that anymore. Bastards.

In the beginning it looked like Lustria Loco weren’t going to do anything to shift that trend as they gleefully smashed their way forward with the momentum they’d built up so far this season. Leading 1-0 in the first half, Locomotive seemed to have everything in hand. Then the Vipers had a singular moment of elvish bullshit that turned a 1-0 win and potentially an unassailable position top of the league for the Locos into a one all draw… that still puts the Loco’s in a pretty good position on the top of the table to be honest.

DC Marvels 1 (3) – 1 (2) Liz \’n\’ Let Die

These “elves” managed to get an early TD, but the Lizzies rallied back to equalise. A scrappy second half saw neither side able to break the deadlock, resulting in a one-all draw that sees Liz N Let Die maintain their 3pt trail from the division leaders Lustria Locomotive. At this point it seems like only the Thunderers could possibly beat the Loco’s in points in the South Division.

The next round will be crucial it seems…

Jojo

Quick Summary of Week 3

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 12 Casualties caused (1 resulted in Death)
  • 7 Completions made
  • 18,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 3

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 3

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 3)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Gaen Vale Stags 2 2 0 0 7 2 5 0 3 -3 6
Beards of Zeus 3 2 0 1 4 3 1 8 2 6 6
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 1 0 1 2 1 1 0 3 -3 3
Norsca Wild Fire 2 0 1 1 2 5 -3 0 2 -2 1
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3 0 1 2 1 5 -4 6 4 2 1

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 3 2 1 0 5 1 4 2 1 1 7
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 3 4 -1 4
Themysciran Thunderers 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 2 1 1 3
Har Ganeth Vipers 2 0 1 1 2 4 -2 1 1 0 1
DC Marvels 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 3 4 -1 1

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 3)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 14
2 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 12
3 Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 10
4 Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 9
5 Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 8
6 Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 7
Kananga Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 7
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 7
Arturo Mendes Blocker Beards of Zeus 7
Galacter Linesman DC Marvels 7

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 3
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 3
3 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2
Mara Dawnscar Blitzer Har Ganeth Vipers 2
7 Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Marcus Hafsten Ulfwerner Norsca Wild Fire 1
Gunnar Arnevik Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Billy Bad-Breath Bloater The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 2
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 2
5 Neidadora Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Isnia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Pestilent Pecker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Kananga Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Dr. No Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 3
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 3
3 Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 2
4 Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Mr Kidd Skink Runner Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Celo Voidcrusher Blitzer Har Ganeth Vipers 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Season 14 – Week 2 – GOAT No More!?

What? I’m up! I’m up! Fine! Anyway, match reports… match reports… ah! Here they are [throws stack of papers at reporter]


North Division

The Bloated Bile Blitzers (2) 1 vs 1 (0) Norsca Wild Fire

A poor kick-off from the Bile Blitzers saw them 1-0 down by the second turn and put them on the defensive in the first half. But after the half-time break the Blitzers rallied back, scoring a volley of injuries against their lightly armoured northern opponents. I mean, not Touchdowns, but this is the Bile Blitzers, they don’t go into that sort of guache thinking. Well, apart from that one Pestigor who keeps scoring when the rest of them are content to keep pounding on their opponents.

He’s a weird one he is.

Beards of Zeus (1) 1 vs 0 (0) Barack Varr Dreadnauts

The DN’s coach warned us this would happen. The DN’s had been getting cocky in the aftermath of their crushing 4-0 win in the Summer League and this was the inevitable result. Coming up against a staunch traditional playing Dwarf team (IE: one that cheats like a goblin team but with better armour) their ill-advised notions of “passing” “running” and “not fouling” soon caused them to come a cropper.

Flint Churnblade was fouling left and right, the Zeus’s Doomroller was an unholy nightmare to deal with, and Boomer Eziasson was tossing bombs right and left, although he needs to throw a little higher methinks as twice his opponent managed to grab the explosives and return them to him. It was such a filthy first half from the Beards that by the end of it, the Refs flat out said that they’d used up all of their bribery funds in that first half, and there wasn’t enough to make them look the other way over all of their obvious cheating and that it was the Dreadnaughts turn to make blatant breaches of the fair-play booklet.

Nevertheless, in the second half they couldn’t quite get the distance they needed, and horror of horrors they broke their own cage in an attempt to score and quite rightly the Beards punished them, got the ball, and scored instead.

Hopefully this sobering experience for the DN’s will see them going back to their more traditional and tried and tested game plans.


South Division

Har Ganeth Vipers (0) 1 vs 3 (1) Liz ‘n’ Let Die

Liz and Let Die showed a much better performance compared to their last game against fellow scalies Lustria Locomotiv. This was their opponents first game of the season and I guess the Lizzies wanted to make sure they got a ‘warm’ welcome. The elves took a light drubbing in the first half, but sadly nothing permanent. They then rallied back and turned the second half into a back and forth scoring bonanza but LnLD managed to ride the tiger and come out on top.

Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC (1) 2 vs 0 (0) Themysciran Thunderers

It’s was a good round for Chainsaw weilding maniacs this week, with Wilhelm Chaney flailing around in this game, murdering and savaging and Flint Churnblade over in the Dreadnaut Vs Beards game hacking and fouling everywhere. The Thunderers struggled this game to break armour and paid for it as Locomotiv continued their hot streak and rampaged to a resounding win.

Quick Summary of Week 2

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 8 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 10 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 22,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 2

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 2

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 2)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Gaen Vale Stags 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 0 3 -3 3
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 1 0 1 2 1 1 0 3 -3 3
Beards of Zeus 2 1 0 1 2 3 -1 4 0 4 3
Norsca Wild Fire 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 0 2 -2 1
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 4 0 4 1

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2 2 0 0 4 0 4 2 0 2 6
Themysciran Thunderers 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 2 1 1 3
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 1 1 0 3
Har Ganeth Vipers 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0 1 -1 0
DC Marvels 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0 2 -2 0

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 2)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 12
2 Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 8
3 Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 7
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 7
5 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 6
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 6
7 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Hugen Slivershield Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Crumble Crud Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 5
Mucus Membrane Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 5

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 3
2 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 2
4 Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Marcus Hafsten Ulfwerner Norsca Wild Fire 1
Nick Nack Skink Runner Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Mr Kidd Skink Runner Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2
2 Neidadora Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Isnia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Pestilent Pecker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Jaws Kroxigor Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1
Brut Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Krit Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 1
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 2
3 Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Cam Hicks Catcher DC Marvels 1
Elvectro Blitzer DC Marvels 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Season 14 – Week 1 – Winter Has Come!

The Winter Season is upon us, same as it ever was, although with somewhat less teams than usual. Whatever, makes it easier for me anyhow. Let’s get some match reports done so I can f- off down the pub.


North Division

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 (0) – 0 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

There are three teams I reckon could take the cup this year, and the Dreadnauts, after the summer season are absolutely one of them. The Blitzers are fine lads and there’s nothing I like more than to see a team willing to just have a scrap in the midfield don’t get me wrong, but I just think they need one more seasons worth of experience before they become contenders.

The DN’s seemed to be in fine form this game, in fact, if anything they seemed a bit over-eager. Postgame their Coach indicated he wasn’t happy with the amount of speed and pace he was seeing from the team.

“At one point I swear one of them was thinking about making a pass! A PASS! They’ve gotten cocky and it’ll all come to fire and damnation soon enough. This sort of showboating has no place in a team of mine!” he is quoted as saying.

*Original Working title: Game I could actually be arsed to watch.

Beards of Zeus 1 (3) – 3 (0) Gaen Vale Stags

Well, the Stags sadly seems to have finally got into their groove, hammering this new Dwarf team 3-1. The Beards did some traditional hammering of their own for sure, but as they say in Blood Bowl “You only need 3 Elves to win a game”. But what these new stunties lack in ability they make up for in spite and viciousness, it’s just a shame that the Ref hadn’t been sufficiently bribed this game for them to get away with a turn 16 foul. Better luck next time lads!


South Division

Liz \’n\’ Let Die 0 (0) – 2 (1) Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC

It does me a power of good to see Loco’s coach back in the league, his propensity for getting away with the ridiculous always made for great games to watch. This 2-0 drubbing marks an excellent start for his return season. After the game, the other coach admitted that he’d failed the pre-season rituals and thus was now suffering under the curse: the Un-pain of Ted-Moh-Dells. Shocking! In this day and age too, in a modern league! I know the schedules been a bit more hectic this year than usual, but sure this is no excuse! Hopefully the curse will be lifted before the end of the season.

DC Marvels 0 (0) – 3 (2) Themysciran Thunderers

Are the DC Marvels an Elf team, or are they just humans wearing false ears? I think the results pretty much speak for themselves. Time will tell if this identity confused team can actually PLAY like elves at some point, but until then, this was the Thunderers (another of my league topper picks) game to lose. And.. well… they just didn’t. They didn’t in emphatic form. I don’t know how more clearly this team could have not lost… well no, that’s a lie, we all remember the infamous 7-0 Warpstone Wanderers drubbing of Team Chaos in 2518. But that wasn’t a game it was an experiment in taking the piss.


So, that’s the first round of games, next week expect Norsca Wild Fire (my third top-pick) and the Har-Ganeth Vipers to have games. For anyone who’s putting any stock in my predictions however, let me remind you that I haven’t gotten a single one of these things right yet, and I doubt I’ll be starting now. In the Stags are actually managing not trip over their own arses all the time now then they could well be the dark horse of the season.

JoJo

Quick Summary of Week 1

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 8 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 10 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 22,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 1

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 1

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 1)

North Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 0 2 -2 3
Gaen Vale Stags 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 0 3 -3 3
Norsca Wild Fire 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Beards of Zeus 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 3 0 3 0
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 2 0 2 0

South Division

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Themysciran Thunderers 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 2 0 2 3
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 1 0 1 3
Har Ganeth Vipers 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0 1 -1 0
DC Marvels 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0 2 -2 0

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 1)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 12
2 Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 7
3 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 6
4 Hugen Slivershield Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Mucus Membrane Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 5
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 5
Durlan Sylbalar II Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 5
Blofeld Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 5
Manxiti Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 5
Galacter Linesman DC Marvels 5

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 3
2 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
3 Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Neidadora Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Isnia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Krit Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Baxter Deathroller Beards of Zeus 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 2
2 Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 1
Cam Hicks Catcher DC Marvels 1
Elvectro Blitzer DC Marvels 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Season 14 – Week 4 – End of the Line!

Here we are, final round, it’s been a competition of surprises for sure, and of people wilfully making sure none of my betting slips come up. Don’t think I don’t notice you rizzoles doing this. (Begins grumbling in earnest, is then directed back to match reports). Right, last round, let see what we got then!

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 (4) – 0 (0) Norsca Wild Fire

The pundits were all backing Norse to win this game, and some fool told the Dwarves. The resultant carnage would have made even a Khornate team flinch and go “Steady on lads”. Nothing could stop them in the first half, dispatching player after player, not Zara, not Wilhelm Chaney, and the Death Roller wasn’t even on the pitch yet!

And they just kept going in the second half, until the Norse managed to tackle the Deathroller as it was trundling along, leaving the ball uncovered. But the fury and carnage was too much, the Norse must have been too intimidated, as nerves got the better of the players again and again.

There were opportunities to be had, but in the end they couldn’t capitalise on them, 2-0 to the Dreadnauts and a resounding tournament victory for the Dwarves.

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2 (4) – 0 (3) Bridgetown Bantams

We managed to get a quote from the Halfling team mid game here, lemme see if I can find it (rustling of various pieces of paper) ah, here it is:

“One day I dream of getting the ball into the other half”

…yeah. At one point those frogs actually managed to cleanly separate the entire Halfling part of the team from the Treemen part of it, and there was a LOT of Treeman in this game.

It seems like after multiple years, the Spacehoppers have finally found their groove, and thanks to that, they managed to secure third place in the tournament and more silverware for this, the only Slaan team with any.

Themysciran Thunderers 2 (2) – 1 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

The Bile Blitzers’ lone pestigor continues to the be the only player who realises this is (allegedly, I don’t believe it either) a ball sport, and he’s beginning to get really good at it. However unlike the ‘flings of the last round, these amazons weren’t going to be intimidated by the beast, and they dragged it down and fouled it off the pitch.

For a moment glory loomed for the Blitzers but at that last moment, the ball carrier tripped over his own fetid toes, and the tide turned.

Rallying back, the Thunderers mounted the charge and scored twice in the second half, coming back from being one behind in the first half for a 2-1 win, and to beat off [ooh er missus – ed] the Blitzers for the 2nd place finish.

Akumal City Rainmakers 1 (0) – 2 (2) Gaen Vale Stags

A tight game were nothing noteworth happened. EXACTLY what the Elves have been waiting for, and they must be praising Nuffle for that.

The elves for once proved all of their detractors wrong and actually managed to outscore their opponents, denying the Rainmakers 3rd place. But whether this last spurt of performance is enough for us to ever see them again only time will tell.

Hobbiton Gardeners 3 (3) – 0 (0) Pastafarian Juniaz

Confidentially, I don’t think these Jr division players for the Pastafarians are going to be seen again in this league. I mean, those three that the Troll ate this game wont be for a start.

…and if you need more of a match report after being told that then clearly you are not a fan of blood bowl.
…and that was the… THE CHANELF CHALLENGE CUP!?!? THE CHANELF BLOODY CUP!? YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN DOING [blank] MATCH REPORTS FOR A [blank] ELF SPONSORED TOURNAMENT!? WHEN I CATCH YOU I’M GOING [blank] YOUR [blank] AND [blank][blank] INSIDE YOUR OWN [blank] AND THEN PLAY YOU LIKE A [blank]ING BANJO!
we’ll have more match reports from JoJo in the winter season….OH [blank] HE’S GOT INSIDE! DON’T JUST STAND THERE! RUN! OH [blank][blank] HE’S GOT A…[signal cutoff]

Quick Summary of Week 4

  • 5 games in Central Division – Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519
  • 13 Touchdowns scored
  • 20 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 6 Completions made
  • 23,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 4

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519 – Central Division

Obituaries for Week 4

Standings (After Fourth Round)

Team Pld W D L TF TA TD CF CA CD PTS
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 4 4 0 0 6 1 5 9 1 8 120
Themysciran Thunderers 4 3 0 1 6 3 3 9 5 4 90
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 4 2 1 1 7 5 2 6 10 -4 70
Norsca Wild Fire 4 2 0 2 5 3 2 6 9 -3 60
Gaen Vale Stags 4 2 0 2 8 7 1 7 8 -1 60
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 4 2 0 2 3 3 0 6 7 -1 60
Akumal City Rainmakers 4 1 2 1 6 5 1 4 4 0 50
Hobbiton Gardeners 4 1 1 2 5 6 -1 11 6 5 40
Bridgetown Bantams 4 1 0 3 1 5 -4 10 8 2 30
Pastafarian Juniaz 4 0 0 4 2 11 -9 1 11 -10 0

Player Statistics for the (Week 4)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Aleksander Lødemel Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 19
2 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 16
Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 16
4 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 14
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 14
6 Matthewn \”Chopper\” Harris Troll Slayer Barack Varr Dreadnauts 12
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 12
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 12
Walter Whacker Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 12
Oakleaf Treeman Bridgetown Bantams 12

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
2 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 3
Aleksander Lødemel Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 3
6 Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ozwold Doom Diver Pastafarian Juniaz 2
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
Barry \”The Basher\” Bishop Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 2

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Oakleaf Treeman Bridgetown Bantams 6
2 Trunkgirth Hardwood Treeman Hobbiton Gardeners 5
3 Obi-Wan Kroaknobi Blitzer The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2
Gorim Garinsson Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Angus \”Lucky\” Loriccson Deathroller Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 2
Clinara Blitzer Themysciran Thunderers 2
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Chryogone Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Charlie \”Chicken\” Choker Halfling Hopeful Hobbiton Gardeners 2

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 6
Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 6
3 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 5
4 Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 4
5 Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 2
6 Mictlantecuhtli Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Xheel Xchek Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Kristoffer Henriksen Norse Linesman Norsca Wild Fire 1

HDWSBBL - Fact

Vampire Teams

The Nachthaften Nightlords were the first Vampire team in HDWSBBL history. They began debuted in the 2512/13 season.

View more Did You Knows