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Season 14 – Week 1 – Winter Has Come!

The Winter Season is upon us, same as it ever was, although with somewhat less teams than usual. Whatever, makes it easier for me anyhow. Let’s get some match reports done so I can f- off down the pub.

North Division

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 (0) – 0 (2) The Bloated Bile Blitzers

There are three teams I reckon could take the cup this year, and the Dreadnauts, after the summer season are absolutely one of them. The Blitzers are fine lads and there’s nothing I like more than to see a team willing to just have a scrap in the midfield don’t get me wrong, but I just think they need one more seasons worth of experience before they become contenders.

The DN’s seemed to be in fine form this game, in fact, if anything they seemed a bit over-eager. Postgame their Coach indicated he wasn’t happy with the amount of speed and pace he was seeing from the team.

“At one point I swear one of them was thinking about making a pass! A PASS! They’ve gotten cocky and it’ll all come to fire and damnation soon enough. This sort of showboating has no place in a team of mine!” he is quoted as saying.

*Original Working title: Game I could actually be arsed to watch.

Beards of Zeus 1 (3) – 3 (0) Gaen Vale Stags

Well, the Stags sadly seems to have finally got into their groove, hammering this new Dwarf team 3-1. The Beards did some traditional hammering of their own for sure, but as they say in Blood Bowl “You only need 3 Elves to win a game”. But what these new stunties lack in ability they make up for in spite and viciousness, it’s just a shame that the Ref hadn’t been sufficiently bribed this game for them to get away with a turn 16 foul. Better luck next time lads!

South Division

Liz \’n\’ Let Die 0 (0) – 2 (1) Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC

It does me a power of good to see Loco’s coach back in the league, his propensity for getting away with the ridiculous always made for great games to watch. This 2-0 drubbing marks an excellent start for his return season. After the game, the other coach admitted that he’d failed the pre-season rituals and thus was now suffering under the curse: the Un-pain of Ted-Moh-Dells. Shocking! In this day and age too, in a modern league! I know the schedules been a bit more hectic this year than usual, but sure this is no excuse! Hopefully the curse will be lifted before the end of the season.

DC Marvels 0 (0) – 3 (2) Themysciran Thunderers

Are the DC Marvels an Elf team, or are they just humans wearing false ears? I think the results pretty much speak for themselves. Time will tell if this identity confused team can actually PLAY like elves at some point, but until then, this was the Thunderers (another of my league topper picks) game to lose. And.. well… they just didn’t. They didn’t in emphatic form. I don’t know how more clearly this team could have not lost… well no, that’s a lie, we all remember the infamous 7-0 Warpstone Wanderers drubbing of Team Chaos in 2518. But that wasn’t a game it was an experiment in taking the piss.

So, that’s the first round of games, next week expect Norsca Wild Fire (my third top-pick) and the Har-Ganeth Vipers to have games. For anyone who’s putting any stock in my predictions however, let me remind you that I haven’t gotten a single one of these things right yet, and I doubt I’ll be starting now. In the Stags are actually managing not trip over their own arses all the time now then they could well be the dark horse of the season.


Quick Summary of Week 1

  • 2 games in North Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 2 games in South Division – Winter Series 2519/20
  • 11 Touchdowns scored
  • 8 Casualties caused (2 resulted in Death)
  • 10 Completions made
  • 1 Interception made
  • 22,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 1

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Winter Series 2519/20 – North Division

Winter Series 2519/20 – South Division

Obituaries for Week 1

League Standings for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 1)

North Division

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 0 2 -2 3
Gaen Vale Stags 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 0 3 -3 3
Norsca Wild Fire 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Beards of Zeus 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 3 0 3 0
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 2 0 2 0

South Division

Themysciran Thunderers 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 2 0 2 3
Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 1 0 1 3
Har Ganeth Vipers 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Liz \’n\’ Let Die 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0 1 -1 0
DC Marvels 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0 2 -2 0

Player Statistics for the Winter Series 2519/20 (Week 1)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 12
2 Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 7
3 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 6
4 Hugen Slivershield Blocker Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Mucus Membrane Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 5
Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 5
Durlan Sylbalar II Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 5
Blofeld Saurus Blocker Liz \’n\’ Let Die 5
Manxiti Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 5
Galacter Linesman DC Marvels 5

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 3
2 Morag Rhunlikhelsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
3 Haldir Qiydark Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Bloxa Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Paxrimani Skink Runner Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Brick Tamland Blitzer Beards of Zeus 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Neidadora Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Isnia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 1
Krit Saurus Blocker Lokomotiv Lustria BBFC 1
Champ Kind Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Ed Harken Blocker Beards of Zeus 1
Baxter Deathroller Beards of Zeus 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 2
2 Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1
Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Ron Burgundy Runner Beards of Zeus 1
Cam Hicks Catcher DC Marvels 1
Elvectro Blitzer DC Marvels 1

Top Interceptors

# Player Position Team Value
1 Hippocita Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1

Chanelf Challenge Cup Fourth Round Fixtures & Predictions

The final round is upon us and nothing is certain still in this competition. Here are the final round fixtures (don’t forget to keep up to date with the results as they come in on our Twatter feed):

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Bridgetown Bantams

Barack Varr Dreadnauts vs Norsca Wild Fire

Themysciran Thunderers vs The Bloated Bile Blitzers

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Gaen Vale Stags

Hobbiton Gardeners vs Pastafarian Juniaz

And the table is looking hot after round three’s matches:

Barack Varr Dreadnauts 3 3 0 0 4 1 3 5 1 4 90
Norsca Wild Fire 3 2 0 1 5 1 4 6 5 1 60
Themysciran Thunderers 3 2 0 1 4 2 2 7 3 4 60
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 3 2 0 1 2 1 1 4 5 -1 60
Akumal City Rainmakers 3 1 2 0 5 3 2 4 2 2 50
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3 1 1 1 5 5 0 2 7 -5 40
Gaen Vale Stags 3 1 0 2 6 6 0 5 8 -3 30
Bridgetown Bantams 3 1 0 2 1 3 -2 7 4 3 30
Hobbiton Gardeners 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 8 6 2 10
Pastafarian Juniaz 3 0 0 3 2 8 -6 1 8 -7 0

And for the last time lets see what our pundits predict in the final round, over to you for the last time in this competition!

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Bridgetown Bantams

Making a late dash, or should that be ‘leap’ for mid-table mediocrity, both The Bantams and the Spacehoppers are one win a piece. Will it be the free scoring antics of the ‘Hoppers, or will one of the leagues bashiest teams (not bashiest ‘Flings, just bashiest!) claim another slew of victims…?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-2 “Dowz stunites is well ard and bashy. Wez fink dey will win!”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-2 “After their match with the gardeners I’ll be totally mashed if the Spacehoppers are mentally and physically ready to face another Halfling team so soon, so the bantams have a radical chance for a win. Having said that, if they are ready then I suspect the space frogs are looking for revenge. One half-dude looks the same as another and unfortunately for the Bantams they do look like the Gardeners….”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-2 “These halflings aren’t going to show mercy now in the last leg of the competition, and they’re not so squeamish about their food to say no to some premium grilled frogs legs either. I reckon they’ll roll over the frogs.”

Lin Greeny: 2-1 “Kan theez slippury space frogs make it two-for-two in their gamz against ‘alflings?  Meeb tink they will mop da floor wif their ‘airy feet.”

Barack Varr Dreadnauts vs Norsca Wild Fire

Can anyone stop the ‘Nauts on their roll, or grind? Will the Wild Fire prove one step too far for the dwarfs, or the final step on the path to lifting the trophy? Front runner vs submarine specialist: it’s all to play for… The ‘Nauts are favourites, but the Wild Fire have their own aspirations of lifting the trophy! 

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-3 “Hmmm, wez still don like da stunty wunz. Wez pick da norf wunz.”

Altann Octopunch: 1-2 “Block versus block, brah. It’s gonna be a dirty game but those Norse dudes are gonna win.The Dwarves can match the Norscans block but not their speed or craziness. Besides man, I know the Wildfire have been hanging out with Mr. Chaney recently and you all know those sessions end…”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-1 “The wheels are due to come off the Naut’s ride to the top and this could easily be it. 500 grand of inducements are sure to be put to good use by Wildfire and that could be what swings it for them. The DN’s have been rock solid all tournement though so a draw seems reasonable.”

Lin Greeny: 1-3 “If there’z wun team in dis competishun who gotsa chanz ter ‘alt da slow continentul drift o’ da drawf style o’ play, s’godda be da Norse team!”

Themysciran Thunderers vs The Bloated Bile Blitzers

The Thunderers lost out to the ‘Nauts in the last round, but can still lift the trophy if the dwarves slip up… Hoping the Wild Fire will prove to be the proverbial banana that slips their rivals up, they will first have to beat a Blitzers side that has only scored twice, but has also won two games. Both teams have both a shot of still in with a chance of lifting the trophy or to play king maker. A key match in the final round….

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-1 “Diz is a close wun, an wez fink da smelly wunz will stink up da girly wunz but it wil be a draw”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “Those Amazon babes are looking good and have the skills to keep away from the Blitzer’s players, except possibly the Beast. The foxy blitzers, that’s what they’re called right, will be the crest of the wave that the Thunderers will ride to victory on. Provided they don’t get taken out early. Or in fact after the game, by me! Hopefully they won’t have caught anything from Papa Nurgle and I won’t catch anything from them…”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-0 “Honestly this could go either way, the Bile Blitzers can shut down any attempt at the passing game, but the Thunderers front line are good enough to punch a hole in their line and get through, but if the Blitzers start thinning out the Thunderers numbers (and that number in particular is the #2 with Guard) then it could easily be a different story.”

Lin Greeny: 2-1 “Dem girliss on da ‘Zons team ad bedda per-pare fer da inevitabul visit ter da infectious diseasz departmunt at da locul apovvecary guild afta dis match. As ter oose goin’ ter actualey win…  Mee tink da ‘Zons ab da edge, jus’ so lon’z they try ter avoid actuul fysicul contact wif da infecteded wunz.”

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Gaen Vale Stags

The Rainmakers finally won a match in the last round, but are out of the running despite Coach Hun-zan’s croaking about his undefeated streak. The Stags started well against the Pastafarians but have lost their last two matches. They will clearly be looking to end the season on a high, and take the frustrations out on the Rainmakers. 

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-4 “Da pointy eared wunz wil score lots and lots. Dey wil smash da froggyboyz…”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-3 “The Rainmakers are starting to form into a solid team brah, but dude!, the Stag’s super agile Blitzer and Catcher combo of Elamice and Torjeon are going to be too much for the frogmen to handle. Sorry frog dudes, you are awesome but not Elf awesome, and they in turn are no way near Sea Elf awesome!”

Jojo Kerwin: 2-0 “I reckon the Stags will still have the yips from the last game, although a team with nothing left to lose is always the most dangerous, so who knows what kind of a performance we’ll see from the elves this time around? Lord knows they don’t.”

Lin Greeny: 4-3 “Slippury frogs versus skinnies!  Mee tink dis will be a ‘igh scorin’ game, Possiblee slightlee in da frogs favour due ter their leapin’ ability.”

Hobbiton Gardeners vs Pastafarian Juniaz

The League’s joint bashiest team- yes, The Gardeners!- will take on the team that have taken the most casualties thus far… The Juniaz luck surely has to change, and if their “Speshalists” actually turn up and play, they will be a match for anyone. Who will finish the top stunty team?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-2  “Dowz wepunz need ta be less secret and more hitty…! Then they will smash da stunties!”

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “Little dudes versus little dudes! The Gardeners put everydude on notice in their last match causing a wipe out of half of their opponents players and showing they are not to be overlooked (not that you can help but do that *snigger*). However the other coaches keep rumours afloat that the green little dudes are going to blow up on some poor team real soon. Maybe the Gardeners will get a taste of their own soda pop, but I don’t think it will be against the Junior Rastas

Jojo Kerwin: 0-2 “I think the Jr’s are due. I mean surely, sooner or later, that fanatic is going to do SOMETHING right?

Lin Greeny: 2-0 “Da Juniaz av ad a ‘ard time in their trii gamz ter date. Purson-alee, mee tink dat Nuffle iz punishin’ dem fer nub ‘aving a fancy uniform. Greun skins playin’ in greun armee surplus kit makz dem look loike a gaggle o’ plastic soldiaz. Theez Gobbo boyz need ter change dat soon!  Mee per-dict dat dis weeks enimyz o’ ‘airy footed childrun will beet dem too!”


There you have it folks, the last prediction of this competition! Tune in tonight for what will be a pretty spectacular evening!

Chanelf Challenge Cup Third Round Fixtures & Predictions

After last weeks frenzy the action doesn’t let up as we see these teams fighting it out tonight (don’t forget to keep up to date with the results as they come in on our Twatter feed):

It’s getting pretty tight at both ends of the table as we can see here:

Themysciran Thunderers 2 2 0 0 4 1 3 7 2 5 60
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2 2 0 0 3 1 2 4 1 3 60
Gaen Vale Stags 2 1 0 1 6 4 2 4 5 -1 30
Norsca Wild Fire 2 1 0 1 3 1 2 3 4 -1 30
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3 4 -1 30
Bridgetown Bantams 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 6 3 3 30
Akumal City Rainmakers 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 4 2 2 20
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1 2 -1 10
Hobbiton Gardeners 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 3 5 -2 10
Pastafarian Juniaz 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 1 8 -7 0

So lets get our pundits predictions on the result of each match and see what they make of it all. Over to you.

Themysciran Thunderers vs Barack Varr Dreadnauts

A top tier clash that surely sees the winner with one hand on the cup, The Thunderers and Dreadnauts both surely fancy their chances in a must-must win fixture, who will step up, and who will step off?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-1 “Hmmm, wez will NEVER like da stunty wunz. Wez pick da ‘ommie girlies.”

Altann Octopunch: 1-1 “Ah, the old classic, Dodgers vs Tacklers… If the Thunderers were elves then the lack of dodge wouldn’t matter and I’d pick them for the win… Alas, they are not, so this will be an even game. Those Amazons do like their Elfy shenanigans though!

Jojo Kerwin: 1-2

Lin Greeny: 0 – 2. Well, dis iz goin’ ter be a game ter …wimper… pleez da blood godz! Dem Stunties are goin’ ter tackle an smash dem dodgin’ girls ter a messy pulp.

Gaen Vale Stags vs Norsca Wild Fire

The Stags were bullied by what is proving to be a pretty toothy-teethless team in the Thunderers, who seem as interested in destroying their opposition as they are in playing Bloodbowl, but will look to get back to winning ways with a slim chance at still lifting the cup if results go their way. Lacklustre against the Blitzers, The Wildfire found their stride last week, and will look to ‘submarine’ their way up the table this week.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 3-2 “Da pointy-earz might get smashed, but deyz know how’ta score. Pointy-staggy-Gaen boyz will win”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “Gaen Vale proved in their match how good Elves can be, scoring with just 3 players on the pitch (Although of course, we Sea Elves could have done this with even less…) If the Norse bash game takes out the elf dash strategy, then The Wild Fire are in with a slim chance. But I don’t think this will be a problem for The Stags”.

Jojo Kerwin: 3-1

Lin Greeny: 2 – 3. Dis wun iz definitelee goin’ ter be a draw. Dem panzy Skinnies woz on fire against da Juniaz in round 1, but got smasheded by da amazons in round 2.  Meeb tink da Norse team will giv dim sum trubble.

The Bloated Bile Blitzers vs Bridgetown Bantams

Narrowly losing the ‘bash-off’ to the Dreadnauts last week will have motivated the Blitzers to make a push to capitalise on any mistakes made at the top of the table this week. The Bantams are on the up, however, and will look to continue their momentum into week three.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 1-2 “Wez like cake. Cake is gud. Wez don’t like slime. Da smellyboyz shud looz coz da stunties shud be cunning…”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1 “This game will sticky fingers all round! The slime of The Blitzers vs the cake-covered hands of The Bantams. I’d say lime is stickier than icing sugar and with a beast that can match a treeman in power then the little guys are going to get slimed bad. Maybe it’s best for The Bantams to go over the Blitzer’s heads than under them!”

Jojo Kerwin: 1-0

Lin Greeny: 4 – 2. Enough bile, rot an festerin’ bodiss ter spoil eben da bestest ‘Alfling chef’z ‘otpot!  Meeb kan see da nurgle team gainin’ a few more rottaz ter their rosta by da end o’ dis game!

Akumal City Rainmakers vs Pastafarian Juniaz

The Rainmakers seem to be the leagues resident draw specialists, but will have to hope for a better result against the basement team of the competition. However, if the Juniaz stars align, they could be in for a huge win to kick start their season with a late run of success.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-2 “Da froggy leapy wunz will score, but uz gobbos are sneaky…. Wez wil be eatin frogz legz like Bretty Boyz…!”

Altann Octopunch: 3-1 “A similar match to The Spacehoppers vs The Gardeners, but with the added bonus of weapons! The rainmaker will have to score early to take out those weapon: no one likes a chainsaw (or anything else the Greenskins can get their cheating little hands on, such as blenders. I hear they like putting frog in blenders….!) The Rainmakers should be okay here, but will have to watch out for that Doom Diver…”.

Jojo Kerwin: 3-2

Lin Greeny: 3 – 1 Gobbos Vs Frogs, wot kan meeb say. dis iz eiver goin’ ter be a complete tromp ober by da Frogs, or a secret wepin induceded blood bad in da Juniaz favour. But meeb godda say, dat goin’ by their scurry o’ luck in da per-vious twuu rounds, da Juniaz wuud be lucky ter eben git ter use their secret weapons!

The Tlaqua Spacehoppers vs Hobbiton Gardeners

The Spacehoppers take on the Gardeners in what is familiar territory for the ‘Flings. The residents of Hobbiton will need to maximise the impact of their hired ringers and treemen, while the Spacehoppers will look to go one better than their Slann rivals, who could only draw in the corresponding fixture. With no hope of lifting the cup, this game is all about pride and climbing the table.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-2 “Neva team is gud enuf to win, so wez fink itza scorey-drawey”.

Altann Octopunch: 5-1 “Both teams have yet to actually win a match so this should see all the stops pulled out Everyone loves the fighting ‘flings, but if those trees can be avoided, The Space Hoppers are on for their first win…”

Jojo Kerwin: 2-1

Lin Greeny: 3 – 2 Da Frogs shud win dis wun, so lon’z dat chef doesn’t nick too many re-rolls, an ony tree frogs on da team manaj ter stay away from da big greun leafy stuff in da Gardenaz team.


Our pundits have made their views on the match! Tune in tonight to see who will make their move in round three!

Chanelf Challenge Cup Second Round Fixtures & Predictions

The Challenge Cup moves into it’s second round. Using the Swiss system the following matches will feature:

All fixtures will take place tonight! Keep up with the matches by following our Twatter feed. But before we head out we have some previews and predictions on these matches, featuring our newest pundits and reporters, Skritch’n’Skratch and Altann Octopunch to which I am sure you will find out more about them in the coming days.


Gaen Vale Stags vs Themysciran Thunderers

This week’s top of the table clash see the Stags take on the Thunderers. Buoyed by their victories in the previous round, both teams will be looking to take control of the table and make a strong statement to the rest of the league. Elvish dexterity or Amazon agility: which will prevail?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 3-2 “Dowz Elves woz well scorey last week. Deyz shud win”.

Altann Octopunch: 3-0 “The Stags are no Sea Elves, but I expect elves to always show good form…”


The Bloated Bile Blitzers vs Barack Varr Dreadnauts

Both securing narrow, if dominant, wins, the Blitzers and Dreadnauts will seek to close the narrow gap to the top two teams and make the league their own in the next round of fixtures. The divisions two resident heavyweight ‘bash’n’grind’ teams- only one can prevail.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-1 “Da stinky boyz wil smash da stunty-boyz. An wez ‘don’t like da beardy wunz.”

Altann Octopunch: 0-1 “This is not how Blood Bowl should be played, but the dwarves will use their death roller (Cheats!) to grind to a narrow win.”


Akumal City Rainmakers vs The Tlaqua Spacehoppers

A narrow loss for the Spacehoppers and a lucky draw for the Rainmakers sees them head up the ‘best of the rest’. A frog-off between two very evenly matched teams, bragging rights will be up for grabs: Who will be ‘Top Frog!’ ?

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-2 “Da froggy wunz wil jump lotz n score loadz”.

Altann Octopunch: 4-3 “The experience of The Spacehoppers coach, as previous head coach of the Natterjacks, should seem them scrape through this one in a high scoring game”.


Hobbiton Gardeners vs Norsca Wild Fire

Seeking to submarine their way to the top after last rounds unlucky draw, the Gardeners face Norsca Wild Fire, who were simply unable to score against the Blitzers. Both teams will be looking to get their campaigns back on track in a match that is likely to set the tone for the rest of their campaigns.

Skritch’n’Skratch: 2-1 “Da stunties wil smash da norf humies”.

Altann Octopunch: 2-1  “Everyone knows when a Halfling draw, its really a win, so the Gardeners will continue their ‘hot streak’ as well as serving up their legendary hot pies”.


Bridgetown Bantams vs Pastafarian Juniaz

The Bantams and The Juniaz will both look to jump start their seasons with a win over one of their other rivals for the title of ‘Best Stunty’. The Juniaz looked good on offence, but will need to shore-up their leaky defence, while the Bantams will look to take advantage of a team down on its luck. Arguably the pick of this week’s fixtures, it has the potential to be a thriller!

Skritch’n’Sratch:: 2-3  “Gobbos will always beat da fat wunz…!”

Altann Octopunch: 2-1  “This looks to be a great toss off, comind down to a tree and a halfling and a troll and a goblin. The troll will swallow the goblin, and the bantams will win!”.

Season 14 – Week 1 – All Kicking Off!

So, due to popular demand (or so we told him) we have managed, with no expense spared (or spent) to contract esteemed HDWSBBL luminary, Jojo Curwen for match reports for the ongoing Chanelf Championship. Although, we must stress that he HASN’T been told that this is the actual name of the competition and we must ask all of our staff and audience not to tell him by any means.

Themysciran Thunderers Vs Bridgetown Bantams

I’ll be honest, I missed most of this one, but I caught the highlights later on. This league has a weird tendency for stunties to do better than the national statistics would expect. Sometimes a Halfling team surprises all with it’s resiliency and ability to score.

This was not one of those games.

Amazon teams are usually known for their careful positioning and finesse, but when your opponents are Halflings all that can go out of the window, and boy did it here. Staggering out of the first half with only six fieldable players and four at the final whistle. It makes the Thunderers 2-0 result frankly look merciful. A hard lesson for the Bridgetown Bantams, but if you don’t give them beatings like this, they’ll never learn.

[we have since informed him that Halflings are in fact a seperate humanoid race, and not, as he apparently has been thinking for the last three centuries “small human children who should know better”]

Barack Varr Dreadnauts Vs Tlaqua Spacehoppers

A game of two very differing styles clashing together, the stolid meticulous dwarf form, versus the dynamic and aggressive Slaan style. But no amount of amphibian acrobatics could prevent the Dwarves from grinding down the field and equalising on the Slaan after their early TD in the first half.

After resetting the clock, the second half saw textbook Dwarf play throughout, as a result most of the crowd were already asleep when a half-hearted pitch invasion was called. Only the Dreadnaut fans turned up, pounding flat a few of the frogs. The game ended in a stolid 2-1 win for the Dwarves, sadly marred by accusations of collusion between the Referee and Greenskeepers in allowing them to continue tending the pitch even after a touchdown had been scored by the home team.

The Greenskeepers of the Barak Varr Anchorhead Stadium deny all accusations, and made a strongly worded statement telling us that we could all “F*ck off.”

Gaen Vale Stags Vs Pastafarian Juniaz

Not the best of starts for this new team, sponsored by the well known Pastarfarians, as a curiously bad start (even for goblins) will have left nobody apart from the Coaches Far Eastern Betting Syndicate happy. The Vale Stags were looking for a good head start in this competition, and they certainly got it here. Two TD’s ahead in the first half, they continued in the same vein for the rest of the game. But the goblins DID show signs of life with a couple of thrown teammate touchdowns facilitated by their Doom Diver, who is sure to make a big impact as the competition continues. A 5-2 result in typical Elvish fashion.

Hobbiton Gardeners Vs Akumal City Rainmakers

The Rainmakers are still feeling their way in the game clearly, as anyone who finds themselves 1-0 down against Halflings in the first half really does need to take a good hard look at themselves. But most of all Slaan, there really shouldn’t be anything a Halfling team can do to stop a Slaan team from scoring but it seems they worked it out in the end with a 1-1 draw. The Gardeners are ecstatic at this result, as of course a draw counts as a win for stunties.

Norsca Wild Fire Vs The Bloated Bile Blitzers

Nurgle haven’t done too well in this league, but perhaps the Blitzers will be the team to buck the trend. The end of the first half had things looking promising, and in the second half Wild-Fire couldn’t get the equalizer and tie the match. The Blitzers seemed very happy with their performance and are looking on towards bigger things. As always though, time will tell.

Quick Summary of Week 1

  • 5 games in Central Division – Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519
  • 15 Touchdowns scored
  • 19 Casualties caused (3 resulted in Death)
  • 10 Completions made
  • 27,000 fans was the highest recorded attendance.

Match Results for Week 1

(numbers in brackets are the casualties caused by each team)

Chanelf Challenge Cup 2519 – Central Division

Obituaries for Week 1

Standings (After First Round)

Gaen Vale Stags 1 1 0 0 5 2 3 3 1 2 30
Themysciran Thunderers 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3 1 2 30
The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3 1 2 30
Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 1 1 0 30
Akumal City Rainmakers 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 3 2 1 10
Hobbiton Gardeners 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 2 3 -1 10
The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 1 1 0 0
Norsca Wild Fire 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 1 3 -2 0
Bridgetown Bantams 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 1 3 -2 0
Pastafarian Juniaz 1 0 0 1 2 5 -3 1 3 -2 0

Player Statistics for the (Week 1)

Best Players

# Player Position Team Value
1 Chacaerulea Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 10
2 Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 7
3 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 6
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 6
Ozwold Doom Diver Pastafarian Juniaz 6
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 6
7 Bufo Fett Linefrog The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 5
Matthewn \\\”Chopper\\\” Harris Troll Slayer Barack Varr Dreadnauts 5
Bialaer Pavyre Linesman Gaen Vale Stags 5
Da Kwartamasta Goblin Pastafarian Juniaz 5

Top Scorers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Grung Fodrinsson Runner Barack Varr Dreadnauts 2
Mhaenal Elamice Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 2
Ozwold Doom Diver Pastafarian Juniaz 2
4 Chacaerulea Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
Luke Flystalker Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1
Pustule Picker Pestigor The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Durlan Sylbalar Blitzer Gaen Vale Stags 1
Zilyana Torjeon Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Ryo Holazorwyn Catcher Gaen Vale Stags 1
Abroulete Thrower Themysciran Thunderers 1

Most Vicious

# Player Position Team Value
1 Psionia Lineswoman Themysciran Thunderers 2
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 2
3 Chacaerulea Linefrog Akumal City Rainmakers 1
L. Croakribbittson Linefrog The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1
Angus \\\”Lucky\\\” Loriccson Deathroller Barack Varr Dreadnauts 1
Billy Bad-Breath Bloater The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Snodule Scuzzball Rotspawn The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Terminal Typhoid Rotter The Bloated Bile Blitzers 1
Airdan Perra Linesman Gaen Vale Stags 1
Galan Kezgella Linesman Gaen Vale Stags 1

Top Passers

# Player Position Team Value
1 Leaper Organa Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 3
2 Andrathatm Eilfina Thrower Gaen Vale Stags 2
Huani Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 2
4 Jar Jar Skinks Catcher The Tlaqua Spacehoppers 1
Juscyra Catcher Themysciran Thunderers 1
Itotia Catcher Akumal City Rainmakers 1

Chanelf Challenge Cup – Draw and First Round

Tonight sees the start of season  14 with the Chanelf Challenge Cup. Here is a list of the teams who are taking part in this competition:

(D) – Debut
(RT) – Returning Team


The draw took place and the following fixtures were drawn:



Vampire Teams

The Nachthaften Nightlords were the first Vampire team in HDWSBBL history. They began debuted in the 2512/13 season.

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